This
is the first of four of "Lessons I've Learned During
Singleness."
I guess if you gotta be single, might as well write about it ;)
Not
long ago, while introducing myself to a few older-than-me, wiser-than-me,
married Christians, I was asked, “Why are you still single?”
Her
face almost grimaced, as if it was absolutely incomprehensible that at my ripe,
old age of 26 I would dare to not even be in a serious, committed dating
relationship.
Good question, moron.
Then
was reminded that the individual probably wasn’t a moron, God loves her too,
but she asked a very stupid question. By the way, anyone who says there are no
stupid questions is wrong. Asking a 26-year-old, passionate, God-loving,
Jesus-following children’s pastor why she is still single is a stupid question.
While
most of my friends are either in serious relationships progressing toward
wedding bells, have just tied the knot or are married and cookin’ up baby
number three, I am single. While my innermost self demands the hustle and
bustle of city life, I live in a small farming community in Idaho, a seven hour
drive from my family through rolling hills of golden wheat and spotty, at best,
cell service. While I, too, desire a family and to maybe even be a stay-at-home
mommy, I will remind you I am single and definitely not called to adopt as a
single parent.
At
times, I have outright questioned God. “Why did you make me the way you did and
put me where you did?!”
His
response is always concise and clear. Preparation, My Daughter.
Man,
I love how much God loves me. Even when I question Him, yes, the Creator of the
Universe, He clearly gives me an answer that will shut me up and accept His
good story in His perfect time. Throughout this journey of singleness, I have
come to a freedom-giving conclusion.
SINGLENESS
IS NOT A DISEASE AND OTHERS' EXPECTATIONS FOR MY LIFE MEAN JACK.
I’m
not ill. There is nothing wrong with me. I haven’t screwed up so much that God
is determined to protect every man from the mess of my past and confusion of my
present. I believe it is somewhat of the opposite, actually.
- I am available to babysit for my close friends when they need time away with their husbands
- My teeny, cute apartment is quick to clean and just enough
- God has blessed me with a place to have girls over to just connect and hang out
- I have solitude to hear God and more time to learn who Jesus is and who that makes me before entering a serious, long-term relationship
- I don’t have to cook dinner if I don’t feel like it
- Laundry day means cleaning two loads
- Riding my bike to the office is doable (and enjoyable) because I have no kids to shuffle around or errands to run after work
- Planning for holidays is far less dynamic
- My mommy friends show me what parenting is really going to be like…reality check
- And a whole lot more
Someday,
I will probably look back and wish I had a 478 square foot, quiet, clean apartment
and then I will remember I did at one point and I am thankful I enjoyed the
blessing for that time. But in the meantime, I am going to trust God has
already written a good story and I just don't know what the next chapter is
going to unveil. I trust Him. Completely.
I
leave you with this:
1.
Please do not be the moron who questions single adults as to why they are
single. They do not know either. And your question can come off as a put down.
2.
If you are single, enjoy it. Do something only single people can do like write
a book in quietness, go grocery shopping without kids in the cart, take an
impromptu trip wherever you want, and definitely leave dirty dishes in the sink
for a week if you’re busy or don’t feel like doing dishes. Invest in the
younger generation. Consider your community. Serve in your church. Live a
fulfilling, single life.
3.
Single people, don’t turn into that moron who asks singles why they are still
single. Remember you used to think that was a stupid question.
