Ugly. Fat. Wrinkly. Tired. Skinny. Curvy. Flat. Boring. Plain. Too much. Not enough. Etc.
If I was not typing right now, I would have both hands raised high. Really high. In fact, I would probably have to stand on the chair in which I'm seated and reach to the ceiling to properly represent the intensity in which I am guilty of being hard on myself and reacting with critical negativity.
I would consider criticalness one of my weaknesses. I am hardest on myself. Don't worry, if you are one of my friends or family members, I probably adore you and loathe myself. (Ew. This is hard to admit.) But, I forget I'm a daughter of the King, that I was made on purpose for a purpose, that I have meaning and value. (If you forgot, you do too! We gotta start believing this, sister!)
You see, I know the ugly thoughts I entertain. I know when I am being honest and when I'm exaggerating. I know when I'm being authentic and when I'm holding back. I am the only one, aside from God, who knows the real me. You're kidding yourself if you think you are completely authentic 100% of the time. We just don't do it. It's scary. It's hard. Putting the best foot forward is socially acceptable, even if it's anti-authentic and shallow. But it robs us of true, life-giving self-acceptance.
It becomes a game of sorts. Somewhat faking. Dodging those who poke and prod and want to know the real me. I'm guilty of wearing a mask because if anyone did know the real me, they wouldn't love me. (I understand that isn't the real truth, but sometimes it is what I allow myself to believe.)
So, I hide behind a mask, refusing to be known, though my biggest need is to be known. I let the fear of imperfection prevent me from living boldly. I often reference Brené Brown when I write. She is amazing. A real inspiration. More authentic. More vulnerable. Because a brave, authentic, vulnerable life is the fullest life.
Brené Brown says, "Imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we're all in this together."
Do you believe it? Do you believe we are all in this together. Today I believe it. Sometimes I don't. And I need the grace of God to draw me back to the togetherness boat. Here are a few ways I am learning to take off the mask, be real, stop being so dang critical of myself, and believe we are in this together:
1. Say something positive. And say it out loud.
I have a list of really positive, good things that is push-pinned into the wall, at eye-level, as I exit my bedroom. Most days, I glance at the list on my way out and read one aloud. I may not fully believe whatever good and positive thing I have just stated, but the more I do say it, the more the truth gets engrained in my heart. Getting something from head to heart is the tricky part, my lovely friend.
Internal lies do not stand a chance against verbal truths. Imagine if you spoke all the negative things you think. The other day, my counselor gave me an activity to do during my session. I had to write out all my good characteristics (talents don't count) and then I had to write out all the negative emotions and feelings I've ever experienced. The negatives were really hard to write as I realized I believe some very sad things that I hadn't really identified before. They included things like: I'm alone. I'm not good enough. I'm overwhelming to others.
As I identified the negatives, they lost their power. Especially when I spoke them out loud as speaking them after speaking the truth, was like night and day. It was obvious what was true and what was not.
Here's a link to what I have posted in my room that helps me tons!
2. Be real. Even when it's embarrassing or tough.
Writing may not be your outlet like it is mine. But, disclosing what I'm presently working on and then posting it to this blog and linking it to social media is one way I am challenged to be real and vulnerable. Though I know other women's experiences are similar to mine, it's always sort of awkward to let others into my inner places. For me, exposing my flaws and revealing imperfections is a great challenge. But, it's a way my perfectionism is broken and I start to love myself better. When I'm real, I allow myself to be human. To learn to be authentic, I've had to get thicker skin and stop caring about what anyone thinks. Especially those who are not brave enough to learn to be real, too.
3. Give thanks.
Pumpkins spice lattes are back at Starbucks. As is the "Give Thanks" decor at Hobby Lobby. But, I mean, really give thanks. Be intentionally thankful. Practice gratitude. Give praise.
I struggle with body image. When I catch myself being critical of myself, I try to turn my negative thoughts to praises of thankfulness.
Lord, thank you for an able body. For four appendages. For a great facility to get to workout in. For a beach to run on. For healing from past injuries.
A prayer of gratitude always does it. Thankfulness gives me a better perspective. I can no longer criticize my body when I'm thanking God for a healthy one.
Make a list of your positive characteristics of your inner most person (remember talents don't count). Strive to be authentic. You don't have to start a blog, but practice being real with the people in your life. And give thanks. Be thankful always. As we remember we are on this journey together, we can enter the arena, bring our best game, and come out a little more brave. A little more healed. A little more whole.
Live fully, love wholly, rejoice daily,
Kels
xoxo
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