Weird and Scary

Practicing vulnerability is weird and scary. It is weird because it is uncommon. Most people do not know what to do with vulnerability. Those invited into the inmost details of my life may, or may not, treasure the truths that make me me. And, typically, I am not the inviter. God has a way of poking and prodding and nudging until I succumb and share openly because the feeling is too unbearable. Not to mention, this uncomfortable whisper from God is an invitation to join what He is doing to change lives and love on His beloved and I do not want to miss out on His invitations to do Kingdom business. 

I suppose that is why vulnerability is scary, too. First, I do not choose who is invited beneath my timid exterior into the intimate details of my life and past. Secondly, I typically feel rejected when my treasured secrets are exposed and not valued. 

I am a Seattle girl, so a picture of a cup of coffee will, without question, catch my eye and make it on my blog.
Plus, Brené Brown is amazing. Period. 

Brené Brown is one of my all-time favorite authors. Partly because her writing helped me grasp the value of vulnerability and partly because she is real and says bad words. I can relate to her. Sometimes, when I am upset, I get out my Macbook, open a new Word document, and type every mean, cynical, curse-wordy thought that comes to mind. Then I close the document without saving and move on. It is a product of my hurting heart and relieves some of the pain. There I go being all vulnerable again. 

Brené curses and writes about embracing who you really, really, really are meant to be. I started feeling more comfortable with my decision to type all kinds of icky curse-wordy things after listening six or seven times to her TED Talk about vulnerability and reading her book, Daring Greatly. God probably did not make me to be a curse-wordy woman and I may change my ways someday. But, for now, it works for me. 

Back to vulnerability being weird and scary. Apparently, vulnerability and being known are the source of authentic humanness and wholehearted living. (Insert subliminal message here...read Daring Greatly by Brené Brown). I would concur with the above statement. Considering my top-ten-most-meaningful-life-moments-thus-far, vulnerability and authenticity are the roots of memorable and life-changing experiences. 

I was a senior in college the day I decided to be open about having an eating disorder. I opened my mouth and words came out. I do not remember what I said, but the girl I was speaking to responded with, me too. 

Whaaat?!?! You really are going to use this awful, life-sucking journey for good, aren't you, God?! 

My me too college friend got help for her eating disorder. Today, she is healthy. She is married to a man who loves Jesus. She had a baby. I like to think the moment of vulnerability and openness was a risk I was invited by God to take to play a part in His story for her life. By no means am I taking any credit for it. Ohhh, heck no! I am just grateful. God called me onto his team. We did not have a play book or time to practice, but we played hard. Vulnerability and love win. End of story. 

Live wholly, love fully, rejoice daily. 

Kelsey

Click here for direct link to Brené Brown's TED Talk on Vulnerability

Strive for Greatness

"There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you."

-Marianne Williamson

The entire paradigm is ridiculously preposterous. The objective is "success," but when a person devotes oneself to mastering a trade, finishing a degree, or crushing a goal, they, often times, experience cynical criticism and verbal put-downs. 

Jealously. Envy. Intolerance. 

Even the words sound ugly. I am disappointed at the reality that many people are unable to celebrate another's success. My dear, do not shrink at their skepticism, grudging glares, and mistrusting malice. 

Marianne Williamson writes, "We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." 

The beauty is found in letting our lights shine. Strive for greatness. Never settle for mediocrity. Walk in faith. Their negativity is not personal, it is a byproduct of their own pain. Love them anyway.

Until next time, life fully, love wholly, rejoice daily.

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For all natural beauty products, visit my site at kelseyclevenger.beautycounter.com

Check out more from Marianne Williamson at http://www.marianne.com

A Glimpse in the Life of a Bulimic

I distinctly remember the physician informing me that I would forever struggle with food and probably never recover from bulimia.
"What the hell am I doing here, then?" I thought to myself as my last glimmer of hope slipped through my clinched fists.

Severe depression accompanies eating disorders. I am unsure which is worse, the lack of ambition and torment of suicidal ideation or the over-consuming obsession with an unattainable level of perfection accompanied by an unshakable fear of being vulnerable and known.

Below is a snippet of my experience while struggling with bulimia.

Behind the smile, I am a little girl who was unwanted.
Beneath the talent, I am striving yet insecure.
Beyond the outfits and accessories, I am bare and ashamed.

Behind the witty jokes, I yearn for acceptance.
Beneath the accomplishments, I am empty.
Beyond the façade, I run from love.

For fear entangles my every thought.
Stepping into the unknown.
Crumbling.
Breaking.
Broken.

Trapped.

 

 *Please note that I HAVE recovered. I give God the praise and credit for this journey and triumph over the eating disorder! ALL GLORY TO HIM!
If, in her old age, Sarah, Abram's wife, can become pregnant (Genesis 21) and a woman who had been bleeding for 12 years can be healed (Luke 8) and water can be turned to fine wine at the wedding in Cana (John 2) and Jesus can tell a crippled man to get up and walk (Matthew 9), then God can definitely heal his people from eating disorders! 

I do still struggle from time to time with body image and food, but God has given me HIS wisdom, strength and perseverance to charge on and continue to do the hard work of recovery.

If you know someone who may be suffering from depression, a clinical eating disorder or disordered eating, reach out and continue to be a supportive friend. It is a long battle to healing. If you are in the midst of the war between body and mind, may my story be encouraging. You can overcome, too.

Waxed Pits and Why Women Endure Painful Beauty Treatments

I thought it would be funny to video myself while getting my underarms waxed. I envisioned myself yelling something hilarious like, "Ahhhhh, Kelly Clarkston!" like Steve Carell in "40 Year Old Virgin" while he screams profanities and hair is violently ripped off his chest.

It was not as funny as I had anticipated. It hurt. A lot.

This afternoon, as I have gone about my day out of the office, I made a decision to stop all I was doing and start a conversation. Ladies, why do we partake in such painful experiences all in pursuance of an objective opinion of outward beauty? 

My opinion?
For the sake of femininity.

As I begrudgingly grew out my armpit hair to the necessary quarter inch, the more my underarm resembled a young man's facial hair. Not cool.

As the scruffiness turned into full blown Sasquatch, I counted down the hours until my appointment to wax that crap off as I hoped the ripping sensation and blunt armpit trauma would be worth the excruciating pain and potential hospitalization. I have been told once or twice that I exaggerate. I beg to differ.

Even just a quarter inch of underarm hair felt masculine and gross. It was not soft and delicate and lovely, words that describe the femininity of women. One thing I love about being a woman is feeling graceful, delicate and beautiful. It's a girl thing! And one quarter inch underarm hair robbed me from the feeling of delicacy.

Was it worth the pain?
Heck YES! I will have baby-butt-soft underarms for at least a week, maybe more, and the smoothness brought me right back to that feeling of womanhood and femininity I was missing.

So, decide for yourself if it's worth the pain. Relax. Partaking in beauty/womanliness enhancing upkeep is okay. I hope you delight in your feminine frilly-ness. Enjoy your makeup, lotions and potions. If it's for you...and you alone.

Feeling beautiful is a gift.