Stop the Worry

Living up to others' expectations sucks. Excuse me, attempting to live up to others' expectations sucks. Really, it does. When I do so, I'm never good enough, never smart enough, never funny or interesting enough. I'm never thin enough, strong enough, not a good enough cook and a poor excuse of a personal trainer. I'm too wrapped up in fitness, but not dedicated enough. I'm too rigid in my ways, but too ridiculous because I try new things. People are ruthless, man.

I honestly believe we experience tough situations to prepare us for future experiences. Well, that is how my life has gone thus far. Conflicts tend to become more dynamic and complex as I near the end of my 20s. So, in a way, I'm thankful for the little conflicts along the way that have prepared me for these bigger ones. But, I'm also a little nervous the conflicts and situations will keep getting more complex and challenging.

As of late, I've succumbed to the expectations of others. It is a tireless crusade to be accepted and please all people. I'm running myself into the ground attempting to do so. That has been the most challenging aspect of self-employment. My income primarily depends upon the personal training services I offer and the quality of the meals I cook. Talk about a cause for performance anxiety!

So, I started going to counseling again. One session in, I can more clearly see I need to stop letting others' opinions and expectations affect me. If a client doesn't like a session because I've tried a new format, all I can do is hear out the issue, apologize and make changes where necessary, and let it go. If a customer doesn't like one of the meals they ordered, I can accept the feed back and, again, let it go. By holding onto the opinions, approval, and disapproval of all my clients and customers, I've become a very unhappy, dissatisfied, worrisome person--definitely now my normal self.

God says a lot about worrying:

Proverbs 12:25 (NLT)
Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up.

Philippians 4:6-7 (NLT)
Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Matthew 6:31-33 (MSG)
“If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

 I am worrying about how things will work out...will I have enough clients to make enough money to pay my bills? Will that client who gave her 30 day notice tell people I'm a poor trainer? Will customers like the new meals on the menu? 

All that worrying steals from the joy of life. Worrying and stress make the days unbearable, rather than filled with awe and wonder. Clearly, it has to stop. People-pleasing must go. Fretting over the opinions of others' ends now.

Of course overcoming my habit of worrying will be a journey and a process, but it's a journey I've already begun and invite you to do so, as well. If you stress out about what people think of you, how your performance is perceived, etc., you are missing out on the goodness of life. Your joy is being robbed, as well. We are stressing ourselves out for no good reason. Will you join me in overcoming the tendency to let opinions bog us down?

Here are some helpful tools to start/continue your journey to freedom from worry:

1. Write it out. Write down your worry. (Ex: My clients did not seem to enjoy the workout today as much as other days. I hope they do not think I'm a crappy trainer.) Then, write a truth to counter the worry. (Ex: I tried a new format today and it didn't go well. I probably won't do that again and I can explain to my clients what I was attempting to do in our last session. Maybe giving them an understanding will show them where I'm coming from.)

2. Ask. When worrying if someone thinks ill of you, if they're mad at you, etc., stop stressing and just ask! My best friend and I had a conversation Sunday where we both were inquiring with each other to ensure all was fine. We'd hardly spoken over the summer and something felt off. Rather than stressing over it and assuming she was upset (and vice versa), we merely asked if everything was okay. She and I talked through the issue, which happened to not be an issue. Can you imagine how much worse it could have been if I had let my worry ruin my closest friendship?

3. Pray. Yes, pray. As previously mentioned in Philippians 4, God will give you peace when you talk it out with Him. Daily, I have to ask God for his understanding and clarity. My perception is skewed by my experiences. Past hurts or failures definitely influence how I approach situations. God alone can and will provide a calmness peace and divine understanding when you are real about your worrisome situation.

Have other useful tips for overcoming worry? Please comment below. I'd LOVE to hear how you combat the temptation to worry and live in freedom and peace.
Live fully, love wholly, rejoice daily.
KC
xoxo