I Fear Being "The Fat Trainer"

"Just because a woman finally fits into her skinny jeans, doesn't mean she's won her battle with food."
-Lysa TerKeurst, President of Proverbs 31 Ministry

That is me. The woman in skinny jeans battling food.

I was a chubby kid and always thought I was fat through high school. I developed an eating disorder, then overcame it (Thank you, Jesus!). I began personal training after college. But, I was never lean enough. Never fit enough. I feared clients thinking I was the fat trainer. I delighted in finally fitting into a single-digit-sized-skinny jean. As if it made my life more complete.

And, still, 5 years later, I battle food. Food. A measly, inanimate, quickly-fading cluster of molecules. It's a relentless distraction. Sometimes I even think food is evil. But, it's not. God made it and gave it to us to consume and enjoy (Genesis 1:29, Psalm 104:15).

I used to tell people I don't struggle with food or body image any longer. I've learned that's not true. I was avoiding situations where I would have to face my issues. Now, returning to the fitness industry- personal training, making meal plans, cooking for clients, etc.- I am faced daily with the choice to love myself and my body regardless of all opinions and to give myself grace to be at my present fitness level while balancing a pursuit of improved fitness. It, too, can be a relentless distraction.

Wasn't life meant for more than workouts and dieting?!

Yes. It was. Life is meant to be a joyously amazing adventure! And fitness and eating well are part of the journey. We are to practice self-control and discipline, knowing it's acceptable to eat a piece of chocolate cake, but freedom to choose what is best long term, not just self-gratifying in the moment.
(Side note: In no way am I saying it is wrong to eat chocolate cake. If you decide cake is the best option for you, fine. Do not beat yourself up about it. Sugar has negative effects on the body such as insulin resistance, hypoglycemia, brain fog, fatty liver disease, and more. But it is your choice. If "living a little" means eating chocolate cake, again, that is your choice. Do so without shaming yourself.)

"It is not good to eat much honey, nor is it glorious to seek one's own glory. A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls."
Proverbs 25:27

"For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it"
Hebrews 12:11

"'All things are lawful for me,' but not all things are helpful. 'All things are lawful for me,' but I will not be enslaved by anything."
1 Corinthians 6:12

The key is finding balance. How do I enjoy life and go to dinner with my friends while maintaining my fitness goals? Am I really depriving myself by passing on dessert? 

A change in your approach and mindset is vital to make long-term changes. You don't have to go workout. You are blessed with a body that can workout and, while many people do not have such liberties, you do. Eating healthy is not deprivation. You choose to eat well and avoid foods that are not beneficial because you love yourself well enough and want to feel great so you can live a rewarding life. 

As I finish this blog post, I am invigorated and encouraged to stop battling food and change my mindset. No, I am not fitness-model ripped, but I'm a damn good trainer and I am totally invested in the progress of my clients. I do not deprive myself. I eat clean because my body feels great and I can do all God has put me on earth to accomplish when I feel well.

Now it's your turn. How can you change your mindset and approach your meal plan and fitness routine with positivity? Please comment below. I would love to hear how you will keep your chin up, stick with your healthy lifestyle, and be a positive influence on others with your new attitude and approach!

 
Live fully, love wholly, rejoice daily.
KC
xoxo

To Love Myself Well

Love is a foundational ingredient to wellness. Several studies suggest married people live longer, are more likely to survive cancer, and are less likely to suffer from cardiovascular disease. That daily dose of love must be helpful!

In 1 Corinthians 13:13, we read that out of faith, hope, and love, the greatest is love. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (1 Corinthains 13). In Luke 10, when an expert of Jewish law asked Jesus what he must do to inherit eternal life, Jesus responded, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind. And love your neighbor as yourself" (Luke 10).

Even the Beatles know, "All You Need Is Love."

Consistently, I try to love others well--learning my boyfriends love language so I can best show him how I care for him, sending friends notes of encouragement in the mail, showering family with love on their birthday etc. But I struggle with loving myself well. Without going into the whys of my struggle, I would merely like to share a poem I jotted in my phone in the notes after a self-love session as the benefit of taking 60 minutes of my day to go on a trail run was, without question, monumental to my mental state at the time.

My feet pounding the uneven dirt
Every step, my body screams in remembrance of its desire to quit
But as my mind softens and clears, I silence my muscles and turn on overdrive.
Miles of trails yet to conquer
A myriad of thoughts to process and release.

Plans and dreams, fears and qualms surrendered.
My mind inches toward freedom and carelessness.
My inner self fights for solitude and peace
A moment in time with no worries, only gentle and pure ease.
A fractional juncture of silence to regain mental composure.

This is my drug, my booze,
My happy place, of sorts.
The physical pain a mere hindsight as mental stability returns.
I am strong, and capable, and willing to endure.
One more step, Wild Child.

The notes following expressed my state of mind--overwhelmed. But by spending 60 minutes working out, something I love to do, I regained composure and confidence to tackle whatever it was that had, clearly, consumed me.

Will you love yourself well today? Will you take a moment to pray or meditate? Workout? Make a delicious and healthy meal? Paint your nails? Whatever it is that brings you joy, do it.

Live fully, love wholly, rejoice daily.
KC
xoxo

P.S. Please comment below-- How do you love yourself well? OR How are you going to start loving yourself well?

P.P.S If you have enjoyed what you read today, please click the link to subscribe and share with your sister girls! Be fabulous today!

Dear Princess Warrior

Hungry for Hope is an incredible conference. Just amazing. It is the premier Christian conference for clinicians and lay-people desiring healing from and/or equipping to help those who struggle with body image issues and eating disorders. Hungry for Hope is well planned, rich with Biblical teaching and experiential moments eliciting attendees' own recovery, better preparing us to serve those who do not know their body and food is not the enemy.
 One of our guided activities Saturday morning was to write a letter from the lover of our souls. Aka Jesus. Jasmine Tate, 23 year old Jesus-lover, collegiate basketball player, and gifted musician, played guitar in the background. (Check out her music here).

The following is what God said to me as my pen frantically scribbled across the blank page:

My dear Princess Warrior, my Beautiful Daughter,

I choose you. I do. My love for you extends far beyond your performance, appearance, service. What you offer the world is amazing, but that is not why I love you. I love you because I am love and I have purposely crafted you to accept my love. I made you to flourish in my love. 

You are as delicate as the petal of a flower. As bold as a lioness protecting her cubs. You are as beautiful as the sunsets I paint across the horizon. You are skilled, a leader, talented, gifted, incredible, remarkable. I did this on purpose--for my purpose. 

My sweet girl, please slow down. Take a breath. Listen to and see my creation. Take in everything around you, in which I have made. You strive so hard to be everything to everyone. Remember, I am their everything.You can never fulfill my role in their lives, so relax, beautiful girl. You are just enough. Not too much, not too little. 

I delight in you. I want to bless you. Will you slow down, join me at the table, and let me love on you? Commune with me. I love you, baby girl. 

Love, 
Jesus

When we are still and quiet, we can hear the Holy Spirit speaking to us. Listen deep in your heart. What is God saying to you?

"Be still, and know that I am God..."
Psalm 46:10

May your week be blessed!

Live fully, love wholly, rejoice daily.
xoxo
KC

Do You Live with Chutzpah?!

I love Jesus. And I believe God created every little thing in existence in a mere 7 days. Genesis 1:1 states, "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth." 

We read that God says everything is 'good' after He sits back to admire it. Except people. People, made in His very essence, are 'very good' (Genesis 1:31). So, we are very good. I often struggle to live in the freedom that comes from being 'very good' in God's opinion.

This morning, as I was driving back from the studio and silently musing over my present mental state, I questioned where I am receiving the ideas I am presently believing about myself. 
Why am I striving to look perfect?
What is perfection, anyway? 
Why am I being so hard on myself? 
Why am I feeling down?

And, then, a little voice, whom I presume to be God, clued me in that I am valuing myself how the world values me. This past week, especially, I have succumbed to the desire to fit a particular mold, to be accepted by all, to walk to the beat of their drum. And it just isn't possible. I cannot live up to everyone's expectations and continue to allow my wild-child spirit to live with chutzpah. 

Chutzpah. Just typing it makes me want to italicize the word. Merriam Webster defines chutzpah as "personal confidence or courage that allows someone to do or say things that may seem shocking to others."

Living with chutzpah is an amazingly adventurous journey. A journey I was incapable of traveling until I began to remotely believe that I, with my flaws, quirks, and failures, could be considered 'very good' by the Creator of the Universe. But, again, I am often distracted by the dumbest lies.

If you were more fit...
If you were a better friend...
If you were prettier...
If you were smarter...
If you weren't so weird...

And the list goes on.

I put endless amounts of value on my outward appearance, but God doesn't care about that. Knowing God's Word has been pivotal to living with chutzpah because the more I understand how God views me, the more focused I become on living a meaningfully. In 1 Samuel when in search of a new king, God told Samuel: “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

Clearly, when I step back and assess the big picture, my appearance does not matter. The condition of my heart, whether or not I'm generous, living with honor and selflessness...those are the things that matter. 

Are you distracted by the standards of others or our culture? Have you overlooked bettering your character to live up to others' expectations? 

My challenge to you...

10 Day Chutzpah Challenge
1. Write "thinking of you notes" to 5 of your closest friends. 

2. Post a positive-message sticky note to yourself on your mirror. (i.e. You are beautiful. You are smart and talented. Etc.)

3. Read something for FUN for at least 1 hour.

4. Pray or meditate for 15 minutes.

5. De-clutter your closet. Give away or toss anything you have not worn in at least 6 months. Or try the 37 Piece Wardrobe Capsule for ultimate simplicity! http://www.un-fancy.com/capsule-wardrobe-101/how-to-build-a-capsule-wardrobe/

6. Give yourself the gift of fitness. Workout and thank your body for what it can do! 

7. Call your grandparents. Listening to the stories and advice of older generations is not just a sweet blessing, but their lessons learned provide us with applicable wisdom for our own lives. 

8. Start following a nonprofit that is proactively making a positive impact. Or, educate your friends and family of an issue in which you are passionate. 

9. Take a mini road trip. Yes, just go on a drive. Roll down the windows and blast your favorite tunes. I recommend doing so at a time of day you would normally be sleeping or busy with other commitments. Take 30 minutes to blow off your normal schedule and get on the open road! (Note: do be respectful of others' time. Maybe think twice before cancelling important meetings or no-showing. Flakiness is not chutzpah.)

10. Invest in yourself. A wellness coach can help you hone in on personal goals and provide encouragement as you take steps toward becoming the best you ever! Check out https://threedubwellness.wordpress.com/aboutme/. My friend, Whitney, is a health coach and has got it going on!

Maybe "Beauty" Isn't What I Think It Is...

If you're new to reading my blog, thank you for taking the time to click on the link and take a little peek. Let me get you caught up on what this whole "Redefining Beauty" thing is all about.

My name is Kelsey. I'm 12 days shy of turning 28 years old and I grew up in a small town in western Washington. I'm a recovered bulimic and exercise-addict, ex-cutter and substance-abuser. I'm really just a normal-kind-of-girl with a goal to help people live free from eating disorders and body image issues. They say tough situations make you stronger and more able to help others. Whoever "they" is, I think they're right.

Re: Defining Beautyful You is the result of, somewhat random, thoughts, ideas, and dreams mostly on the topic of beauty, body image, and related topics. I utilizing the creativity behind writing as a coping mechanism while in recovering from the eating disorder and it quickly became a part of me. I suppose it's a hobby slash passion slash lifestyle all jumbled together. I am on a quest to challenge our societal viewpoint of beauty, femininity, womanhood, and attractiveness.

This blog is my canvas of vulnerability, raw truth, and touchy topics that many people don't really talk about. Body image issues and eating disorders are super prevalent in the U.S. Literally, last I read, over 75% of women struggle with food. It's insane.

Anyway, there's your snippet of what this is all about.

Finley, the best baby EVER.

So, I'm an auntie now. Or, rather, my sister gave birth to the most awesome, amazing, incredible, beautiful, smart, strong baby girl in the whole world just a mere 11 days ago. I'm not biased whatsoever. I swear. She really is that colossally spectacular. See for yourself...

Ok, I admit, I am a teeny bit fond of her.

But, in all seriousness, God has used my sister's pregnancy and Finley's little life to open my eyes to another perspective of beauty and provide a new appreciation for what the female body can endure and support.

The Beauty I've Witnessed in the Past 10 Months Regarding this Little Jewel:

1. My sister's ever changing body doing exactly what it needed to do to keep Finley alive and provide everything her little body needed to grow from a tiny little cell-sized little-bit into this incredible mini-human.

2. John and Kristen's dedication to create an amazing space in which Finley will grow up. Their home is family-centered, welcoming, and open to visitors. Finley's nursery was lovingly breathed-into-existence (figuratively speaking, mind you) with a ton of planning and hard work by both my brother-in-law and sister.

3. The way each of their three dogs animatedly approved of Baby Finley the very first day they met her.

4. John and Kristen's excitement toward each other as they brought this little life into the world.

5. John's servant-heart toward his girls. He seriously loves on them so well.

6. Kristen's interest in and commitment to providing the best for her baby by eating well, taking tons of breast milk generating supplements, and budgeting toxin free soaps, shampoos, etc. for their little one.

7. John and Kristen's tenacity to figure out this parenting thing.

As I watch the two of them join together as a team to learn how to best care for Finley, it's evident that beauty lies within the details and small pleasures of the ins-and-outs of being a parent. In no way am I saying parenting is glamorous. But witnessing John and Kristen take this on like champs absolutely distracts me from any hint of self-doubt, body image issue, or confidence issue. It's a bigger story that puts life into perspective. So, thank you, John and Kristen, for representing beauty at it's finest.

Live fully, love wholly, rejoice daily.
xoxo
KC

To the Guy Who Broke My Heart, Thank You.

Hey,

Thank you.

Because of you I am more bold and more wise. It is not because you treated me so well. No, in fact, quite the opposite. You played games and tried to get me to earn your attention and your affection. You set unattainable standards of perfection and shamed me when I did not meet your expectations. You tried to tell me I was unworthy, unlovable, ungrateful, unwilling to compromise. In actuality, I was compromising. Compromising all I was and all I dreamed of becoming.

The craziest part of all is not that you treated me so poorly, but that I began to believe I deserved to be disrespected and dishonored. I forgot who I was and who I represented. A far greater entity than you.

But, in your own hurt and brokenness, you tried to break me. So, I thank you.

Thank you for being the straw that broke the camels back. I'm not one for cliches, you know that, but you are that piece of straw. You were the last of countless men who will get away with devaluing me and tearing me down. Because of everything we went through, I emerged better. More brilliant. More sparkly than ever. It's amazing, really. Like the refining fire, the pain I endured while we were together actually exposed someone more radiant and resilient. Delicate, not fragile. Grounded, not settled. I thank you for your part in my journey to become this woman.

I am not angry. Not anymore. And, I do not hate you. Rather, I hope you, too, can reach a point of thankfulness for the lessons learned. May forgiveness set you free from the torment and burden of holding onto hatred. May you look back on our time together and see growth in yourself.

Until then, good-bye. I put away all disdain, doubt, and mistrust and eagerly pursue my next dazzling adventure.

Sincerely,
Kelsey

Hot Mess Status

Today was a hot mess day. I did not intend to portray the I-didn't-really-try-this-morning look. But it happened. My ensemble, hair, and make-up screamed, "I don't really care right now, so shut up and move along with your own freakin' business!" I just had better things to do this morning than stand in front of the mirror flat ironing, tweezing, and bronzing. And it definitely ended up being a hot mess kind of day.

No, I did not wear this mess today.

But I am far from shocked. As I take a stand for natural beauty and advocate for health versus society's jacked-up standards of femininity, beauty, and womanhood, it is easy to speak out when I feel beautiful and loved and valued. But in those times when I'm just feeling...like a hot mess...pursuing things of substance and meaning are far less appealing as whatever it is I need to do to feel less of a hot mess. It is on those hot mess days that I am far less apt to encourage my fellow females to embrace themselves as-is and embark on adventure.

After deciding to leave my make-up as-is and only tie back my hair in order to look a little more socially acceptable, as I was meeting a new client today, my final, and most reasonable, option was to blog about it. I mean, millions of people are putting their business on Facebook.

So, ladies, we all have hot mess days. Life, itself, is a hot mess sometimes. Today, I encourage you to embrace that messy self. Frazzled and needing rest. Wrinkled clothes and greasy hair. Whatever your hot mess is, it's yours. So, sister, keep rockin' what you got. Tomorrow will be fabulous. Just wait and see!

Live fully, love wholly, rejoice daily.
xoxo
KC