To Seek Understanding

"Help me to seek understanding before seeking to be understood."

That prayer resonated with me this morning. So often I earnestly desire to be understood.

If only they tried to understand me. 
If they tried to understand what's going on with me, they would get it. 

I walk the line of immature self-absorption in effort to feel understood when 1) I am fully known and understood by the freakin' Creator of the Universe God Himself and 2) my wasted effort to feel understood inhibits my ability to understand others, which consistently narrows my focus on myself.

We all have a story behind the facade of smiles and "I'm good" answers when asked how we are. We have pain. Scars. Aches. Loneliness. Abandonment. Hopelessness. Fear. Anger.

Scars. Aches.

Loneliness. Abandonment. Hopelessness.

Fear. Anger.

While I have been adamantly aiming for others to fully understand the complexities of my life, I have overlooked others' need to be understood and accepted as-is. What a humbling and sobering reality.

Brene Brown is one of my role models. She researches acceptance and belonging. She says all people want to experience a sense of belonging. 

Check out Brene Brown's teaching on vulnerability here:

 

For more from Brene Brown, check out her website here.

So, as a Christian passionate about living out my faith, my role is to, first, love God and, second, love others (Matthew 23:34-37). As love is a choice prompted by action rather than a feeling I conjure through romantic Netflix movies, my focus must change from being understood to understanding.

What that tangibly entails? I'm not entirely sure. But that is the beauty of being a work in progress. Several times in the Bible, God is referred to as a potter and his people are the clay (Isaiah 64). What does a potter do? Mold clay. 

So, today, may I be molded. May I learn to remove my focus from being understood and learn to better understand those around me. And may you be malleable clay, as well. 

Live wholly, love fully, rejoice daily. 
Kels
xoxo

Vivacious Living: Turning Away from the Problematic Distractions and Pursuing Life Boldly

I recently updated the layout, background, and template of my blog. It was not an intentionally planned change, but it happened. And it made me smile. The new layout is bright, cheery, and easily navigated. If you'd visited my blog in the past, it was fine...but just not easy to read or inviting, for that matter.

I started my blog as individualistic expression. I had been in outpatient treatment for an eating disorder while a student at Washington State University and working part time and I just needed a blank canvas for my thoughts, ideas, and worries. The more transparent I was about the inner battle I daily fought, the less power it had over me. Since, the blog is still a canvas for thoughts, ideas, and, even worries (See a past post titled, I Fear Being the Fat Trainer.)

The direction for my blog has changed. Originally, I was on a quest to help all women truly believe they were beautiful. I thought if we all knew we were lovely and beautiful we would be healed of our issues and be more confident. Since, I've learned that beauty is not what makes the world go round. (Who would have thought?!) Believing I'm beautiful does not elevate my confidence or spark a fire in my bones to make the world a better place. Believing I'm beautiful does not make me interesting, alluring, a better mentor, or a better person. It doesn't make me more skilled at my trade or more zealous to help those in need.

Believing I'm beautiful ended up becoming a band-aid covering a festering wound. I gave my allegiance to superficiality and objectivity. An "ugly day" totally threw off my mojo and sent me into depression. Maybe you can relate.

Vivacious, bold, radical living had to become my new pursuit if I was going to continue to win the battle over the eating disorder and other mental health related issues. What characterizes a vivacious, bold, radical woman?

Vivacious, bold, radical 

living had to become my new pursuit

A vivaciously bold, radically living woman is:
Funny- she has a sense of humor and she is secure enough to laugh at herself.

Respectable- she knows her body is hers and for her husband (or future husband). She does not gossip. She does not seek attention.

Generous- she uses her God-given resources to better the lives of others. Her time is not her own. She gives back to her community without blowing up her social media accounts to brag about her good deeds.

Focused- she has goals. But more importantly, she dreams. And then she pursues those dreams. She is focused on the here and now, living every day to its fullest, but she is focused on the future and makes choices to positively impact her future.

Thoughtful- she does her best to remember friends' birthdays, give words of encouragement, and think of others first. She genuinely wants the best for all people, even those who have wronged her.

Confident- she may be called weird or strange. She may be odd. But, she is living out who her Creator made her to be and she legitimately does not care what you think. Sorry, not sorry. She walks in freedom knowing she was made very good by a very good God (check out Genesis 1:1-31).

Open-minded- she is willing to learn from others and, even, change her perspective based on others' influence. She avoids religiosity and close-minded prejudices. She stands for what she believes, but loves all people, regardless of their choices.

Your focus may not be body image, beauty, or food issues. It may be a whole plethora of problematic distractions that inhibit you from vivacious living. But do not let it steal your joy. Do not let it become your god. Establish what are the non-negotiables in your life and pursue those with purpose and passion.

Live wholly, love fully, rejoice daily.
Kels
xoxo