To Seek Understanding

"Help me to seek understanding before seeking to be understood."

That prayer resonated with me this morning. So often I earnestly desire to be understood.

If only they tried to understand me. 
If they tried to understand what's going on with me, they would get it. 

I walk the line of immature self-absorption in effort to feel understood when 1) I am fully known and understood by the freakin' Creator of the Universe God Himself and 2) my wasted effort to feel understood inhibits my ability to understand others, which consistently narrows my focus on myself.

We all have a story behind the facade of smiles and "I'm good" answers when asked how we are. We have pain. Scars. Aches. Loneliness. Abandonment. Hopelessness. Fear. Anger.

Scars. Aches.

Loneliness. Abandonment. Hopelessness.

Fear. Anger.

While I have been adamantly aiming for others to fully understand the complexities of my life, I have overlooked others' need to be understood and accepted as-is. What a humbling and sobering reality.

Brene Brown is one of my role models. She researches acceptance and belonging. She says all people want to experience a sense of belonging. 

Check out Brene Brown's teaching on vulnerability here:

 

For more from Brene Brown, check out her website here.

So, as a Christian passionate about living out my faith, my role is to, first, love God and, second, love others (Matthew 23:34-37). As love is a choice prompted by action rather than a feeling I conjure through romantic Netflix movies, my focus must change from being understood to understanding.

What that tangibly entails? I'm not entirely sure. But that is the beauty of being a work in progress. Several times in the Bible, God is referred to as a potter and his people are the clay (Isaiah 64). What does a potter do? Mold clay. 

So, today, may I be molded. May I learn to remove my focus from being understood and learn to better understand those around me. And may you be malleable clay, as well. 

Live wholly, love fully, rejoice daily. 
Kels
xoxo

Perimenopause: Aging with Grace and Loving Your Body

Meet Jenn O'Connor. Retired Navy wife and mother, CrossFitter, runner, homemaker, friend. Jenn is a dear friend from our gym, CrossFit Takeover in Virginia Beach. I remember meeting at the pull-up rig. She has a super infectious personality. Over the past few months, this amazing women has blessed me with her wisdom and advice. She is the epitome of grace. She's definitely one of those positive role model people that every girl needs.

Several weeks ago, I had asked some ladies if they would be willing and interested in being a guest author on my blog. I know so many incredible women who have a ton to share and offer, so why not highlight them on here?! Below is Jenn's post. She is raw and truthful. Entertaining to read. I hope you enjoy this as much as I have.

******************************************************************************************************************
Entering Menopause
By Jennifer O'Connor

“That girl is on fire” by Alicia Keys comes to my mind as I am now entering into that time of life known as perimenopause. I have many friends at all different stages of life but the ones that stand out to me at this point are the ones that are literally on fire; as in hot flashes.

Have you seen this? It’s quite a thing to watch. But also, this time of life (I have decided) should also be a different type of internal fire; a rebirth of sorts. So instead of being afraid as I get closer and closer, I have decided to embrace these impending changes (fire and all).

A female spends approximately 35 years prepping for reproduction, engaged in reproduction, and nurturing her offspring. Have a career? Yup, that fits in too. BUT, make no mistake about it….the woman still does the lion’s share of household work, including but not limited to cleaning, meal prep, homework help, chauffeur, laundry, and then of course a lover. So for a while it seems we remain pretty much in last place on our “to do “ list.

The neat thing about this is that between the ages of 20-45, we are hormonally pre-wired to do such things. It’s actually pretty cool. But then it happens….kids are grown, your spouse (if you are still together) is settled in a career and you find yourself feeling this odd sensation of freedom. Wow. Freedom. Now what? Here’s an idea: Feel that wave roll over you, don’t fight that rip tide, rather ride it out and see where it leads you.

So here are some items that I am grappling with and wish someone had shared with me a few years ago. It’s a quick list of things to do you might want keep in the back of your mind, depending where you are in your personal life:

1. Get right with God. Fix your spiritual life. Begin to pray and listen to what He has to say to you. Maybe join a church? Or return to your church. It’s a great place to make some very nice friends.

2. Free yourself from guilt. It’s dragging you down (adds weight). This is kind of part B of getting right with God.

3. Stop smoking. No more. It’s gross.

4. Get your nutritional house in order. No more soda. Avoid sugar. It’s not that hard. Processed food is bad for you.

5. Love your body. I bet it’s a lot more beautiful than you think. Exercise.

These are some things that should be addressed as you enter perimenopause. This occurs at different ages. God has designed women as the most amazing creatures on this planet. We are born with everything we need to conceive, deliver, feed and raise other humans. Let that sink in. Then, when we are no longer needed for reproduction, our bodies are already equipped hormonally with what we need to help protect our heart and bones. Yes, you read that right. Your doctor may try to convince you other wise. Why are we being lectured to about menopause as if it is a type of disease to be cured?

Exercise. There, I said it again. You have to exercise. There’s no way around it. It must be part of your weekly routine. Enter CrossFit. I joined a CrossFit gym last October. I have yet to experience any other fitness program that meets my needs and expectations like this. And I doubt I ever will.
I’ve made amazing gains physically and I have met the most fantastic people. The coaching is superior. The classes are a blast. The camaraderie is unrivaled. You won’t find a community like this anywhere. Do I compare myself to other athletes? Yes, but that’s my problem. It’s easy to say CrossFit isn’t for everyone but ANYONE can do it.

So here I am, a 47 year old female, married mother of two grown children. My kids are smart and kind, so I think we did a decent job. I supported my spouse as best as I could in his 23 year Navy career, including 11 moves and 6 years spent in Europe including a one year tour in Iraq and 3 deployments to Afghanistan. Now he is happily settled in his 2nd career and I find myself on the cusp of some serious changes. I am ready to accept any and all physical, spiritual, and personal changes that are coming my way. Bring it on, Mother Nature.

******************************************************************************************************************
Jenn is authentic and real. I love it! Please leave comments below if you relate or found this to provoke something inside of you.

Let's celebrate being women today!

Live fully, love wholly, rejoice daily.
KC
xoxo

When You Do, Sometimes You Don't

I have always been a “doer” and a “busy-bee.” I try to do it all. Rest? Who needs it when you can meet friends for coffee dates, coach youth athletics, serve at church, cover extra shifts at work, and prepare meals for sick friends?

On the surface, these things appear righteous and respectable. But, when the motive of the doer is analyzed, a thoughtful gesture or favor may be more self-gratifying in nature. Often times, the insecure thought pattern behind the over-committed individual is “I do, therefore I am. If I do (insert good/moral thing here), I must be good/moral.

God created each of us with passions and skills and He has a plan to use those qualities of our character. We learn this in Ephesians 2:10. “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” We can busy ourselves doing good things, but still be out of His will.

Getting caught up in doing the right thing, being in the right place, volunteering for too many extracurricular activities can and has distracted me from knowing God more. If you want to recognize and know the voice of God, you must devote time and effort to cultivate a love relationship with Him.

Is it wrong for a person to volunteer at a local food bank? No, not if that is where God has called the individual to serve. Am I sinning when I meet up with a friend for a coffee date, with the mindset of nurturing our relationship? Absolutely not! But, I must question my motives. Is my goal to serve my friend and love on them, or am I avoiding the loneliness I often feel when I am at my house by myself before my roommates get off work when I know I should be studying the Word or writing?

This is not as much an issue of procrastination as it is avoidance of truth and evasion of pain. And it is draining! Oswald Chambers said, “It is impossible to get exhausted in work for God. We get exhausted because we try to do God’s work in our own way.” Though I do, I don’t. I don’t prioritize time to cultivate my love relationship with the Lord. I don’t pursue the passion He has intricately woven into my being. I don’t serve in the capacity He calls. So, though I am doing and am utterly consumed with mostly good things, I don’t do what I have been created to do.

Where can you simplify your schedule? How can you prioritize time to do those things God is leading you to do? I encourage you to track your week. In hourly (or half hourly) increments, write the activities, service, hobbies, down time, etc. How often do you pursue those things that bring you joy? Are you living with the purpose God has planned?

For a little inspiration, check out:
ibloom.co/ “10 Ways to Get Inspired”