Magical Moments to Refocus and Get Grounded Again. And Again.

There is something magical about quiet moments in a Florida air-conditioned Starbucks. A hot, dark cup of Pike (you Starbucks people know exactly what I'm talking about), and a divine moment with God. You know, God, the Maker of the Universe. The Creator of all, Heavenly Father, Alpha and Omega, and Perfect Friend. 

Magic in the making.

Before you critique me for mentioning "magic" and God in the same paragraph, quietly reach down and pick that wad of underwear out from your butt crack. I have run into so many people claiming Christianity who are so quick to critique people because they don't care to try to understand another human being on the face of the planet and forget the true mission of Jesus: Love God and love people (Matthew 22:37-39). In no way am I insinuating that God does medicine-man-witchcraft-magic. To some of us who love unicorns and all things that sparkle, the term magic has nothing to do with sorcery or even Harry Potter himself. 

Alright, moving on. 
Back to the magic of the above stated equation.

Starbucks' air conditioning + black coffee + quiet moments with God = magic 

It is in these moments when I am brought back to earth. When my ungodly unattainable expectations for myself are brought back into reality. When I begin to see how far off I have been. When I return my focus to I AM. 

But Moses said to God, “Suppose I go to Bnei-Yisrael and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they ask me, ‘What is His Name?’ What should I say to them?”

God answered Moses, “I AM WHO I AM.” Then He said, “You are to say toBnei-Yisrael, ‘I AM’ has sent me to you.” 

God also said to Moses: “You are to say to Bnei-Yisrael, Adonai, the God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, has sent me to you. This is My Name forever, and the Name by which I should be remembered from generation to generation.

Exodus 3:13-15

Jesus even declared he is, "I AM." 

John 8

I AM WHO I AM. 

Seems so simple. And complex. Simultaneously. That's the trinity for you! Everything and all things and intricate and beautifully simplistic all jumbled up together at one time with perfect organization. And sprinkles on top. 

As I graciously bask in my magical moment with God at Starbucks in the air conditioning, sipping my coffee, I am absolutely bewildered that I would even consider taking my gaze off something so magnificent, so amazing, so...(ahhhhhh there are no words to describe him)! But I totes do. All the time. 

Insert positive self talk: Give yourself grace, Kelsey. You won't get it right all the time.

End positive self talk.

I'm practicing positive self-talk, so better utilize every opportunity, right?! 

The reality is, there is an enemy who wants to distract us from being so crazy in love with Jesus that we worship whatever else. Satan wants to have God's spot (Isaiah 14:13-14). I see those distractions in my life. It comes mostly in perfectionism and people-pleasing. 

Having been an avid athlete and finding my happy place in CrossFit nearly three years ago, I have definitely prioritized weight-lifting, diet, my physique, WODs, workout clothes, and more before God. As if "perfecting" my lifts or looking "perfect" will fulfill everything in my life. I love CrossFit. I love fitness. I really do. But, I have to assess if my actions show that I love God more or the gym more. Ouch. Sometimes I wonder when enough will be enough. If it's not residual issues from the eating disorder that used to control my every thought and action, it's the distortion of something good. I make fitness my idol. 

But, then, I'll experience a magical moment with God (not always at Starbucks) and reality will come crashing down again. Realizing I have placed myself on the throne and lost focus of my Creator. Again. 

But, even there, I could get discouraged that I have failed yet again. But, no, not this time satan. You lousy dude. 

See how this can spiral out of control? 

Where do lies and distractions get you down? How are you falling into the trap of idolizing anything other than the Creator God, Adonai himself?

The things that matter most.

May I encourage you to be aware. Sit still. At Starbucks, or not. Drink coffee, or not. Be where you need to be to hear the silence. Seek God's voice. This will entail turning your phone off and logging out of Facebook. Schedule this magical time if you have to. It's more than worth it. 

As I begin to end this blog post, I am inspired and motivated to reprioritize life. God. Family. Friends. Loving people. Doing good. Less obsessing about the worries of the world. Less counting macronutrients in pursuit of a perfect physique. More enjoying life. More of what God has intended. Freedom and peace. 

Live fully, love wholly, rejoice daily, 

Kels

xoxo

The Truth of Your Existence

I have to admit.

I am so hard on myself. If I were to track the negative thoughts that run through my head, you (and I) would, most likely, be appalled. It seems ironic that I help women better their relationships with their bodies when I seriously struggle with accepting myself.

But, I do believe this is exactly where I am supposed to be...on this journey with you. No almighty been-there-done-that-and-overcome-body-image-issues-and-know-how-to-love-myself attitude coming from me. Nope, just raw, vulnerable "I feel you, sister." 

Today, James (the most amazing man in the world who just so happens to be my boyfriend) gave me one request.

"I have one request for you. I just ask for the rest of the week, you practice giving yourself grace. You so need it!...I just ask you to do one thing for me until Sunday and just practice giving yourself grace...I know you can do it, babe! You are loved and valued!" 

He really loves me. It is through situations such as these that I come to know this man wants the very best for me. And the very best right now is for me to learn to love me, value me, and accept me.

So, I was inspired to write a little something to express myself. In my head, I know the truth. I pray I (and you!) come to know Truth in our hearts.

True Beauty's Quintessence

By Kelsey Clevenger

When you look into the mirror,
What do you see?
Something horrific, tragic,
Someone disastrously ugly.

When you look into the mirror,
What comes to mind?
Unlovable, unworthy, 
Unfavorable, unkind.

Darling, my dear,
Do you know who you are?
Your Maker, your Father
Is not too far.

He hand-knit your soul,
Crafted your being.
He loves you and
Rejoices over you with singing.

I pray you come to know
The Truth of your existence.
With purpose and passion
God pursues you with persistence.

You are His gem,
His precious girl.
More valuable than the
Most most perfect of pearls.

Glistening, sparkling,
You are God's delight.
Sweet darling, please believe
You are perfect in His sight.

Stop feeding yourself lies,
Make the voices halt.
No more negativity,
Make positive your default.

For the words you speak
Become your essence,
When God actually calls you
True beauty's quintessence.

Sweet girl, lovely one
You have so much potential.
And loving who you are
Is so very essential.

If you're anything like me, and the truth of who you really are and your real value has been masked by societal pressures and downright lies, may you find peace today in knowing you're super awesome. You're made to do awesome things. And there is an awesome God who's got your back.

Live fully, love wholly, rejoice daily,
KC
xoxo

To Seek Understanding

"Help me to seek understanding before seeking to be understood."

That prayer resonated with me this morning. So often I earnestly desire to be understood.

If only they tried to understand me. 
If they tried to understand what's going on with me, they would get it. 

I walk the line of immature self-absorption in effort to feel understood when 1) I am fully known and understood by the freakin' Creator of the Universe God Himself and 2) my wasted effort to feel understood inhibits my ability to understand others, which consistently narrows my focus on myself.

We all have a story behind the facade of smiles and "I'm good" answers when asked how we are. We have pain. Scars. Aches. Loneliness. Abandonment. Hopelessness. Fear. Anger.

Scars. Aches.

Loneliness. Abandonment. Hopelessness.

Fear. Anger.

While I have been adamantly aiming for others to fully understand the complexities of my life, I have overlooked others' need to be understood and accepted as-is. What a humbling and sobering reality.

Brene Brown is one of my role models. She researches acceptance and belonging. She says all people want to experience a sense of belonging. 

Check out Brene Brown's teaching on vulnerability here:

 

For more from Brene Brown, check out her website here.

So, as a Christian passionate about living out my faith, my role is to, first, love God and, second, love others (Matthew 23:34-37). As love is a choice prompted by action rather than a feeling I conjure through romantic Netflix movies, my focus must change from being understood to understanding.

What that tangibly entails? I'm not entirely sure. But that is the beauty of being a work in progress. Several times in the Bible, God is referred to as a potter and his people are the clay (Isaiah 64). What does a potter do? Mold clay. 

So, today, may I be molded. May I learn to remove my focus from being understood and learn to better understand those around me. And may you be malleable clay, as well. 

Live wholly, love fully, rejoice daily. 
Kels
xoxo

Jesus Gives Life

Too much and still not enough.
Broken in this world, yet complete in Him.
Seeking outer beauty when the inner has eternal value.
Long days, lonely nights.

Too loud but not bold enough.
Empty from the pain, yet full from His grace.
Seeking more than what is superficially offered.
He saves, gives life.