Food Addiction: How Understanding the Biochemisty of Food Can Help You Gain Freedom from Food

Addiction. 
Just the word sounds daunting. Robbing freedom and stealing joy. Addiction does not only affect the individual struggling, but those close to that person, as well.

I don't know when my food addiction "started." Addiction does not happen overnight. But, throughout my 28 years of life, I have been pulled toward food as if subliminal messages told me food would cure my loneliness, unhappiness, stress, etc. My struggle with bulimia was intertwined with food addiction.

Many factors contribute to the development of a food addiction. Some may have a genetic marker associated with food addiction. Others have self-medicated with food and are now chemically dependent. Addiction can have familial and cultural roots.Some of us have poor coping skills and grabbed whatever was easy and accessible: food. Whatever the causation, you can overcome.

Did you know that the pleasure centers triggered by cocaine and heroine can also be triggered by food (Food Addiction, WebMD)? The combination of sugar, fat, and salt release our "feel good hormones" (i.e. dopamine and serotonin). For some, a chemical dependency is formed. We physiologically feel good when we eat sugar, fat, and salt. Neural pathways are created, telling ourselves we need food to be happy. Consequently, when we feel sad, depressed, anxious, or angry, we reach for food.

Food addiction is not entirely a matter of self-control. Your body is craving food with such an intensity that 'just not eating' is not an option. You are not without hope though! Understanding what is happening in your body is invaluable. Getting educated on the physiologic effects of food will help you beat the pulls of food addiction.

4 Tips to Overcoming Food Addiction

• List all the foods you can think of, and research other foods, that contain sugar, fat, and salt. I'll give you one: pizza. The crust is carbohydrates (or sugars), the toppings are generally fats and contain salt. The more you know about the biochemistry of foods, the more equipped you will be to avoid your trigger foods. Also, list foods you know you go to when you are experiencing negative emotions.
• Be mindful daily of avoiding foods composed of sugar, fat, and salt. You need to eliminate the trigger foods while you explore why you turn to food when you experience emotions. It is agreed upon that an alcoholic should avoid alcohol and hanging out in bars and taverns. Your addiction is real. You will need to avoid your trigger foods to start your journey of healing.
• Schedule some counseling sessions. Just like any other addict, there are issues beneath the issue. Face it head-on. It is challenging, but you will gain freedom from food that is long-term and life-giving. The bravest thing you can do is admit you can't walk this journey alone and seek the necessary help to overcome your addiction. Your counselor can give you positive coping tools, as well.
• Give yourself grace. If you are a binge eater, you may slip up and binge again. If you struggle with bulimia, you may binge and purge again. If you restrict your eating, slowly reintegrate healthy amounts of food back into your diet. You will not be completely okay starting tomorrow. This is a process and a journey. You are not a weak-willed person. Invite someone close to you to support you while you overcome your addiction. You are not an addict, you have a food addiction. You are brave and courageous to take the first step toward freedom and healing. 

May these tips help you overcome addiction. May you experience true freedom. If you found this article helpful, please share with those who may need help with their food issues and follow my blog. Comments are always welcome! Please do so below!

Live wholly, love fully, rejoice daily.
Kels
xoxo

To Seek Understanding

"Help me to seek understanding before seeking to be understood."

That prayer resonated with me this morning. So often I earnestly desire to be understood.

If only they tried to understand me. 
If they tried to understand what's going on with me, they would get it. 

I walk the line of immature self-absorption in effort to feel understood when 1) I am fully known and understood by the freakin' Creator of the Universe God Himself and 2) my wasted effort to feel understood inhibits my ability to understand others, which consistently narrows my focus on myself.

We all have a story behind the facade of smiles and "I'm good" answers when asked how we are. We have pain. Scars. Aches. Loneliness. Abandonment. Hopelessness. Fear. Anger.

Scars. Aches.

Loneliness. Abandonment. Hopelessness.

Fear. Anger.

While I have been adamantly aiming for others to fully understand the complexities of my life, I have overlooked others' need to be understood and accepted as-is. What a humbling and sobering reality.

Brene Brown is one of my role models. She researches acceptance and belonging. She says all people want to experience a sense of belonging. 

Check out Brene Brown's teaching on vulnerability here:

 

For more from Brene Brown, check out her website here.

So, as a Christian passionate about living out my faith, my role is to, first, love God and, second, love others (Matthew 23:34-37). As love is a choice prompted by action rather than a feeling I conjure through romantic Netflix movies, my focus must change from being understood to understanding.

What that tangibly entails? I'm not entirely sure. But that is the beauty of being a work in progress. Several times in the Bible, God is referred to as a potter and his people are the clay (Isaiah 64). What does a potter do? Mold clay. 

So, today, may I be molded. May I learn to remove my focus from being understood and learn to better understand those around me. And may you be malleable clay, as well. 

Live wholly, love fully, rejoice daily. 
Kels
xoxo

Vivacious Living: Turning Away from the Problematic Distractions and Pursuing Life Boldly

I recently updated the layout, background, and template of my blog. It was not an intentionally planned change, but it happened. And it made me smile. The new layout is bright, cheery, and easily navigated. If you'd visited my blog in the past, it was fine...but just not easy to read or inviting, for that matter.

I started my blog as individualistic expression. I had been in outpatient treatment for an eating disorder while a student at Washington State University and working part time and I just needed a blank canvas for my thoughts, ideas, and worries. The more transparent I was about the inner battle I daily fought, the less power it had over me. Since, the blog is still a canvas for thoughts, ideas, and, even worries (See a past post titled, I Fear Being the Fat Trainer.)

The direction for my blog has changed. Originally, I was on a quest to help all women truly believe they were beautiful. I thought if we all knew we were lovely and beautiful we would be healed of our issues and be more confident. Since, I've learned that beauty is not what makes the world go round. (Who would have thought?!) Believing I'm beautiful does not elevate my confidence or spark a fire in my bones to make the world a better place. Believing I'm beautiful does not make me interesting, alluring, a better mentor, or a better person. It doesn't make me more skilled at my trade or more zealous to help those in need.

Believing I'm beautiful ended up becoming a band-aid covering a festering wound. I gave my allegiance to superficiality and objectivity. An "ugly day" totally threw off my mojo and sent me into depression. Maybe you can relate.

Vivacious, bold, radical living had to become my new pursuit if I was going to continue to win the battle over the eating disorder and other mental health related issues. What characterizes a vivacious, bold, radical woman?

Vivacious, bold, radical 

living had to become my new pursuit

A vivaciously bold, radically living woman is:
Funny- she has a sense of humor and she is secure enough to laugh at herself.

Respectable- she knows her body is hers and for her husband (or future husband). She does not gossip. She does not seek attention.

Generous- she uses her God-given resources to better the lives of others. Her time is not her own. She gives back to her community without blowing up her social media accounts to brag about her good deeds.

Focused- she has goals. But more importantly, she dreams. And then she pursues those dreams. She is focused on the here and now, living every day to its fullest, but she is focused on the future and makes choices to positively impact her future.

Thoughtful- she does her best to remember friends' birthdays, give words of encouragement, and think of others first. She genuinely wants the best for all people, even those who have wronged her.

Confident- she may be called weird or strange. She may be odd. But, she is living out who her Creator made her to be and she legitimately does not care what you think. Sorry, not sorry. She walks in freedom knowing she was made very good by a very good God (check out Genesis 1:1-31).

Open-minded- she is willing to learn from others and, even, change her perspective based on others' influence. She avoids religiosity and close-minded prejudices. She stands for what she believes, but loves all people, regardless of their choices.

Your focus may not be body image, beauty, or food issues. It may be a whole plethora of problematic distractions that inhibit you from vivacious living. But do not let it steal your joy. Do not let it become your god. Establish what are the non-negotiables in your life and pursue those with purpose and passion.

Live wholly, love fully, rejoice daily.
Kels
xoxo

From Chronic Dieting to Vibrant Living: How Randie Quit the Yo-Yo Diets and Changed her Life Forever

Meet Randie. She is one of my adored clients. She arrives to her 6 am workouts ready to kick butt! Randie is a go-getter. She has been on quite the journey. Read her story here. May it inspire and encourage you as well...
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Randie, right, in December 2014

My journey started at birth, 55 years ago.  After all, what is life but a journey?  I tried many diets over the years- some of them more than once. As I reflect, trying to write this, I believe that I wasn’t successful (I hate the word failure) because although I wanted to lose weight, I didn’t believe that I deserved to be thin and happy.

I didn't believe that I deserved to be thin and happy.  

There are so many “old tapes” I used to play in my head. Things I was told, things I read, things that I saw, etc. The truth of the matter is this….I can’t change the past, and I am not the same person I was when I was 5, 25 or even 50.  I am who I am right now, this minute.  

I knew many years ago that I didn’t want to have a bunch of pill bottles lined up on the kitchen counter as I got older. I just didn’t want that to be part of my future. I saw my grandparents live that way and now I was witnessing my parents following in the same footsteps. My parents are both at least 15 years older physically, than they are chronologically. It scares the hell out of me.

It scares the hell out of me.


I know that so many of their health problems could have been avoided if they had made better choices when they were younger. I believe that there are so many things beyond our control that can kill us. Why wouldn’t I want to take control of the things I can? I am NOT getting any younger, so it was time! It was time to take control and make changes in my life. I do not want to live forever. I just want to feel as good as I can for as long as I can!

In December, 2014 I heard about a new diet plan while having coffee with a friend. I did some research and decided to try it. I am not going to share it at this time because it is not a cure all. Many of my co-workers, friends and family have also tried this food plan after seeing my weight loss.  Some have lost weight and others have not. It makes me feel bad because I know that, yet again, they feel like they "failed.” I really believe, from the bottom of my soul, that my motivation to really do it this time came from a totally different place. I was scared of my future. How many pills would I need to regulate blood pressure, cholesterol, depression, reflux, pain in my joints, diabetes…? The list can go on and on. 

Well, the weight started coming off. I was losing two to three pounds each week. Not the 0.4 or 0.6 I had lost during my last round with dieting. Each and every week I lost weight. The most I lost in one week was four pounds and the least I lost was one. I am happy to share that to date I have about 65 pounds.

Sometime in June, 2015, I heard about FytGurlz. Not once, or twice, but three times in ONE day!  I looked up and said "O.K.  I get it! I will look into FytGurlz today!” I filled out the information slip online and the very next day I was contacted. What I immediately liked was that I was given the opportunity to try each and every class offered one time free of charge. I was blown away! That told me they had a great product to offer and they knew if people came, they would love all that FytGurlz offers! 

When I was contacted, I explained that I was interested in someone who could help me re-hab my knees. I have had knee pain in one or both of my knees for about 5 years. Yes, I have been to the doctor and physical therapist. Nothing helped. I was told that Kelsey was the girl for me. When we met, I was feeling a little anxious. I was afraid of failing by not following through. But I knew the only thing holding me back was me.

But I knew the only thing holding me back was me.

I met with Kelsey and we hit it off right away. All of my anxiety went away. I believed she could help me help myself. She told me that her passion is to help the body function the way it was meant to function.  She has so much energy, knowledge and passion…it is contagious!

Randie in September 2015

I started off with personal training sessions with Kelsey in July. We met once each week. In addition, she created a personalized plan for me to do at home. After the first two weeks, I was feeling stronger-- emotionally and physically. She created each workout to help my body function to the best of its ability. After two months, Kelsey encouraged me to switch to the small group fitness classes.  This would provide the opportunity to meet twice as often for less money than I was presently investing in myself. Really? Get more and pay less? Who does that?! 

I was a bit reluctant for many reasons. I was afraid I couldn’t keep up with the others. I was also afraid to make the commitment. I was afraid I would let myself down. Don’t get me wrong….I have been exercising doing Jazzercise for over 4 years now. I just knew that this would be different than anything I had ever done before. Kelsey assured me that I was ready. She had as much faith in me as I do in her! What an amazing feeling! She wanted the same things for me that I want for myself...HEALTH!

And so, here it is, October 2015. I LOVE going to the small group “No Excuses” fitness class two times each week. I have had absolutely no issues keeping up with the other ladies, even though I am twice their age! At every session Kelsey asks about my knees and reminds me to let her know if I need any modifications. Kelsey has gone above and beyond. She is so easy to talk to and she encourages me with praise and, every now and then, she takes my picture. She has helped me see, literally see how fit and strong I am becoming.

I still want to lose some more weight, but this time it is not about what size I wear or how much I weigh. This time it is about how I feel!

This time it is about how I feel!

It is easy to fall back on old patterns and criticize myself for this or that, but I am trying to treat myself like I would treat my best friend if she were on this journey. I would treat her with love, understanding, encouragement and praise. I don’t know where my journey called life will take me, but I do know this: You are NEVER too old and it is NEVER too late to reinvent yourself!
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Live wholly, love fully, rejoice daily.
Kelsey
xoxo

Perimenopause: Aging with Grace and Loving Your Body

Meet Jenn O'Connor. Retired Navy wife and mother, CrossFitter, runner, homemaker, friend. Jenn is a dear friend from our gym, CrossFit Takeover in Virginia Beach. I remember meeting at the pull-up rig. She has a super infectious personality. Over the past few months, this amazing women has blessed me with her wisdom and advice. She is the epitome of grace. She's definitely one of those positive role model people that every girl needs.

Several weeks ago, I had asked some ladies if they would be willing and interested in being a guest author on my blog. I know so many incredible women who have a ton to share and offer, so why not highlight them on here?! Below is Jenn's post. She is raw and truthful. Entertaining to read. I hope you enjoy this as much as I have.

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Entering Menopause
By Jennifer O'Connor

“That girl is on fire” by Alicia Keys comes to my mind as I am now entering into that time of life known as perimenopause. I have many friends at all different stages of life but the ones that stand out to me at this point are the ones that are literally on fire; as in hot flashes.

Have you seen this? It’s quite a thing to watch. But also, this time of life (I have decided) should also be a different type of internal fire; a rebirth of sorts. So instead of being afraid as I get closer and closer, I have decided to embrace these impending changes (fire and all).

A female spends approximately 35 years prepping for reproduction, engaged in reproduction, and nurturing her offspring. Have a career? Yup, that fits in too. BUT, make no mistake about it….the woman still does the lion’s share of household work, including but not limited to cleaning, meal prep, homework help, chauffeur, laundry, and then of course a lover. So for a while it seems we remain pretty much in last place on our “to do “ list.

The neat thing about this is that between the ages of 20-45, we are hormonally pre-wired to do such things. It’s actually pretty cool. But then it happens….kids are grown, your spouse (if you are still together) is settled in a career and you find yourself feeling this odd sensation of freedom. Wow. Freedom. Now what? Here’s an idea: Feel that wave roll over you, don’t fight that rip tide, rather ride it out and see where it leads you.

So here are some items that I am grappling with and wish someone had shared with me a few years ago. It’s a quick list of things to do you might want keep in the back of your mind, depending where you are in your personal life:

1. Get right with God. Fix your spiritual life. Begin to pray and listen to what He has to say to you. Maybe join a church? Or return to your church. It’s a great place to make some very nice friends.

2. Free yourself from guilt. It’s dragging you down (adds weight). This is kind of part B of getting right with God.

3. Stop smoking. No more. It’s gross.

4. Get your nutritional house in order. No more soda. Avoid sugar. It’s not that hard. Processed food is bad for you.

5. Love your body. I bet it’s a lot more beautiful than you think. Exercise.

These are some things that should be addressed as you enter perimenopause. This occurs at different ages. God has designed women as the most amazing creatures on this planet. We are born with everything we need to conceive, deliver, feed and raise other humans. Let that sink in. Then, when we are no longer needed for reproduction, our bodies are already equipped hormonally with what we need to help protect our heart and bones. Yes, you read that right. Your doctor may try to convince you other wise. Why are we being lectured to about menopause as if it is a type of disease to be cured?

Exercise. There, I said it again. You have to exercise. There’s no way around it. It must be part of your weekly routine. Enter CrossFit. I joined a CrossFit gym last October. I have yet to experience any other fitness program that meets my needs and expectations like this. And I doubt I ever will.
I’ve made amazing gains physically and I have met the most fantastic people. The coaching is superior. The classes are a blast. The camaraderie is unrivaled. You won’t find a community like this anywhere. Do I compare myself to other athletes? Yes, but that’s my problem. It’s easy to say CrossFit isn’t for everyone but ANYONE can do it.

So here I am, a 47 year old female, married mother of two grown children. My kids are smart and kind, so I think we did a decent job. I supported my spouse as best as I could in his 23 year Navy career, including 11 moves and 6 years spent in Europe including a one year tour in Iraq and 3 deployments to Afghanistan. Now he is happily settled in his 2nd career and I find myself on the cusp of some serious changes. I am ready to accept any and all physical, spiritual, and personal changes that are coming my way. Bring it on, Mother Nature.

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Jenn is authentic and real. I love it! Please leave comments below if you relate or found this to provoke something inside of you.

Let's celebrate being women today!

Live fully, love wholly, rejoice daily.
KC
xoxo

Stop the Worry

Living up to others' expectations sucks. Excuse me, attempting to live up to others' expectations sucks. Really, it does. When I do so, I'm never good enough, never smart enough, never funny or interesting enough. I'm never thin enough, strong enough, not a good enough cook and a poor excuse of a personal trainer. I'm too wrapped up in fitness, but not dedicated enough. I'm too rigid in my ways, but too ridiculous because I try new things. People are ruthless, man.

I honestly believe we experience tough situations to prepare us for future experiences. Well, that is how my life has gone thus far. Conflicts tend to become more dynamic and complex as I near the end of my 20s. So, in a way, I'm thankful for the little conflicts along the way that have prepared me for these bigger ones. But, I'm also a little nervous the conflicts and situations will keep getting more complex and challenging.

As of late, I've succumbed to the expectations of others. It is a tireless crusade to be accepted and please all people. I'm running myself into the ground attempting to do so. That has been the most challenging aspect of self-employment. My income primarily depends upon the personal training services I offer and the quality of the meals I cook. Talk about a cause for performance anxiety!

So, I started going to counseling again. One session in, I can more clearly see I need to stop letting others' opinions and expectations affect me. If a client doesn't like a session because I've tried a new format, all I can do is hear out the issue, apologize and make changes where necessary, and let it go. If a customer doesn't like one of the meals they ordered, I can accept the feed back and, again, let it go. By holding onto the opinions, approval, and disapproval of all my clients and customers, I've become a very unhappy, dissatisfied, worrisome person--definitely now my normal self.

God says a lot about worrying:

Proverbs 12:25 (NLT)
Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up.

Philippians 4:6-7 (NLT)
Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Matthew 6:31-33 (MSG)
“If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

 I am worrying about how things will work out...will I have enough clients to make enough money to pay my bills? Will that client who gave her 30 day notice tell people I'm a poor trainer? Will customers like the new meals on the menu? 

All that worrying steals from the joy of life. Worrying and stress make the days unbearable, rather than filled with awe and wonder. Clearly, it has to stop. People-pleasing must go. Fretting over the opinions of others' ends now.

Of course overcoming my habit of worrying will be a journey and a process, but it's a journey I've already begun and invite you to do so, as well. If you stress out about what people think of you, how your performance is perceived, etc., you are missing out on the goodness of life. Your joy is being robbed, as well. We are stressing ourselves out for no good reason. Will you join me in overcoming the tendency to let opinions bog us down?

Here are some helpful tools to start/continue your journey to freedom from worry:

1. Write it out. Write down your worry. (Ex: My clients did not seem to enjoy the workout today as much as other days. I hope they do not think I'm a crappy trainer.) Then, write a truth to counter the worry. (Ex: I tried a new format today and it didn't go well. I probably won't do that again and I can explain to my clients what I was attempting to do in our last session. Maybe giving them an understanding will show them where I'm coming from.)

2. Ask. When worrying if someone thinks ill of you, if they're mad at you, etc., stop stressing and just ask! My best friend and I had a conversation Sunday where we both were inquiring with each other to ensure all was fine. We'd hardly spoken over the summer and something felt off. Rather than stressing over it and assuming she was upset (and vice versa), we merely asked if everything was okay. She and I talked through the issue, which happened to not be an issue. Can you imagine how much worse it could have been if I had let my worry ruin my closest friendship?

3. Pray. Yes, pray. As previously mentioned in Philippians 4, God will give you peace when you talk it out with Him. Daily, I have to ask God for his understanding and clarity. My perception is skewed by my experiences. Past hurts or failures definitely influence how I approach situations. God alone can and will provide a calmness peace and divine understanding when you are real about your worrisome situation.

Have other useful tips for overcoming worry? Please comment below. I'd LOVE to hear how you combat the temptation to worry and live in freedom and peace.
Live fully, love wholly, rejoice daily.
KC
xoxo

I Fear Being "The Fat Trainer"

"Just because a woman finally fits into her skinny jeans, doesn't mean she's won her battle with food."
-Lysa TerKeurst, President of Proverbs 31 Ministry

That is me. The woman in skinny jeans battling food.

I was a chubby kid and always thought I was fat through high school. I developed an eating disorder, then overcame it (Thank you, Jesus!). I began personal training after college. But, I was never lean enough. Never fit enough. I feared clients thinking I was the fat trainer. I delighted in finally fitting into a single-digit-sized-skinny jean. As if it made my life more complete.

And, still, 5 years later, I battle food. Food. A measly, inanimate, quickly-fading cluster of molecules. It's a relentless distraction. Sometimes I even think food is evil. But, it's not. God made it and gave it to us to consume and enjoy (Genesis 1:29, Psalm 104:15).

I used to tell people I don't struggle with food or body image any longer. I've learned that's not true. I was avoiding situations where I would have to face my issues. Now, returning to the fitness industry- personal training, making meal plans, cooking for clients, etc.- I am faced daily with the choice to love myself and my body regardless of all opinions and to give myself grace to be at my present fitness level while balancing a pursuit of improved fitness. It, too, can be a relentless distraction.

Wasn't life meant for more than workouts and dieting?!

Yes. It was. Life is meant to be a joyously amazing adventure! And fitness and eating well are part of the journey. We are to practice self-control and discipline, knowing it's acceptable to eat a piece of chocolate cake, but freedom to choose what is best long term, not just self-gratifying in the moment.
(Side note: In no way am I saying it is wrong to eat chocolate cake. If you decide cake is the best option for you, fine. Do not beat yourself up about it. Sugar has negative effects on the body such as insulin resistance, hypoglycemia, brain fog, fatty liver disease, and more. But it is your choice. If "living a little" means eating chocolate cake, again, that is your choice. Do so without shaming yourself.)

"It is not good to eat much honey, nor is it glorious to seek one's own glory. A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls."
Proverbs 25:27

"For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it"
Hebrews 12:11

"'All things are lawful for me,' but not all things are helpful. 'All things are lawful for me,' but I will not be enslaved by anything."
1 Corinthians 6:12

The key is finding balance. How do I enjoy life and go to dinner with my friends while maintaining my fitness goals? Am I really depriving myself by passing on dessert? 

A change in your approach and mindset is vital to make long-term changes. You don't have to go workout. You are blessed with a body that can workout and, while many people do not have such liberties, you do. Eating healthy is not deprivation. You choose to eat well and avoid foods that are not beneficial because you love yourself well enough and want to feel great so you can live a rewarding life. 

As I finish this blog post, I am invigorated and encouraged to stop battling food and change my mindset. No, I am not fitness-model ripped, but I'm a damn good trainer and I am totally invested in the progress of my clients. I do not deprive myself. I eat clean because my body feels great and I can do all God has put me on earth to accomplish when I feel well.

Now it's your turn. How can you change your mindset and approach your meal plan and fitness routine with positivity? Please comment below. I would love to hear how you will keep your chin up, stick with your healthy lifestyle, and be a positive influence on others with your new attitude and approach!

 
Live fully, love wholly, rejoice daily.
KC
xoxo

To Love Myself Well

Love is a foundational ingredient to wellness. Several studies suggest married people live longer, are more likely to survive cancer, and are less likely to suffer from cardiovascular disease. That daily dose of love must be helpful!

In 1 Corinthians 13:13, we read that out of faith, hope, and love, the greatest is love. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (1 Corinthains 13). In Luke 10, when an expert of Jewish law asked Jesus what he must do to inherit eternal life, Jesus responded, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind. And love your neighbor as yourself" (Luke 10).

Even the Beatles know, "All You Need Is Love."

Consistently, I try to love others well--learning my boyfriends love language so I can best show him how I care for him, sending friends notes of encouragement in the mail, showering family with love on their birthday etc. But I struggle with loving myself well. Without going into the whys of my struggle, I would merely like to share a poem I jotted in my phone in the notes after a self-love session as the benefit of taking 60 minutes of my day to go on a trail run was, without question, monumental to my mental state at the time.

My feet pounding the uneven dirt
Every step, my body screams in remembrance of its desire to quit
But as my mind softens and clears, I silence my muscles and turn on overdrive.
Miles of trails yet to conquer
A myriad of thoughts to process and release.

Plans and dreams, fears and qualms surrendered.
My mind inches toward freedom and carelessness.
My inner self fights for solitude and peace
A moment in time with no worries, only gentle and pure ease.
A fractional juncture of silence to regain mental composure.

This is my drug, my booze,
My happy place, of sorts.
The physical pain a mere hindsight as mental stability returns.
I am strong, and capable, and willing to endure.
One more step, Wild Child.

The notes following expressed my state of mind--overwhelmed. But by spending 60 minutes working out, something I love to do, I regained composure and confidence to tackle whatever it was that had, clearly, consumed me.

Will you love yourself well today? Will you take a moment to pray or meditate? Workout? Make a delicious and healthy meal? Paint your nails? Whatever it is that brings you joy, do it.

Live fully, love wholly, rejoice daily.
KC
xoxo

P.S. Please comment below-- How do you love yourself well? OR How are you going to start loving yourself well?

P.P.S If you have enjoyed what you read today, please click the link to subscribe and share with your sister girls! Be fabulous today!

Dear Princess Warrior

Hungry for Hope is an incredible conference. Just amazing. It is the premier Christian conference for clinicians and lay-people desiring healing from and/or equipping to help those who struggle with body image issues and eating disorders. Hungry for Hope is well planned, rich with Biblical teaching and experiential moments eliciting attendees' own recovery, better preparing us to serve those who do not know their body and food is not the enemy.
 One of our guided activities Saturday morning was to write a letter from the lover of our souls. Aka Jesus. Jasmine Tate, 23 year old Jesus-lover, collegiate basketball player, and gifted musician, played guitar in the background. (Check out her music here).

The following is what God said to me as my pen frantically scribbled across the blank page:

My dear Princess Warrior, my Beautiful Daughter,

I choose you. I do. My love for you extends far beyond your performance, appearance, service. What you offer the world is amazing, but that is not why I love you. I love you because I am love and I have purposely crafted you to accept my love. I made you to flourish in my love. 

You are as delicate as the petal of a flower. As bold as a lioness protecting her cubs. You are as beautiful as the sunsets I paint across the horizon. You are skilled, a leader, talented, gifted, incredible, remarkable. I did this on purpose--for my purpose. 

My sweet girl, please slow down. Take a breath. Listen to and see my creation. Take in everything around you, in which I have made. You strive so hard to be everything to everyone. Remember, I am their everything.You can never fulfill my role in their lives, so relax, beautiful girl. You are just enough. Not too much, not too little. 

I delight in you. I want to bless you. Will you slow down, join me at the table, and let me love on you? Commune with me. I love you, baby girl. 

Love, 
Jesus

When we are still and quiet, we can hear the Holy Spirit speaking to us. Listen deep in your heart. What is God saying to you?

"Be still, and know that I am God..."
Psalm 46:10

May your week be blessed!

Live fully, love wholly, rejoice daily.
xoxo
KC

Do You Live with Chutzpah?!

I love Jesus. And I believe God created every little thing in existence in a mere 7 days. Genesis 1:1 states, "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth." 

We read that God says everything is 'good' after He sits back to admire it. Except people. People, made in His very essence, are 'very good' (Genesis 1:31). So, we are very good. I often struggle to live in the freedom that comes from being 'very good' in God's opinion.

This morning, as I was driving back from the studio and silently musing over my present mental state, I questioned where I am receiving the ideas I am presently believing about myself. 
Why am I striving to look perfect?
What is perfection, anyway? 
Why am I being so hard on myself? 
Why am I feeling down?

And, then, a little voice, whom I presume to be God, clued me in that I am valuing myself how the world values me. This past week, especially, I have succumbed to the desire to fit a particular mold, to be accepted by all, to walk to the beat of their drum. And it just isn't possible. I cannot live up to everyone's expectations and continue to allow my wild-child spirit to live with chutzpah. 

Chutzpah. Just typing it makes me want to italicize the word. Merriam Webster defines chutzpah as "personal confidence or courage that allows someone to do or say things that may seem shocking to others."

Living with chutzpah is an amazingly adventurous journey. A journey I was incapable of traveling until I began to remotely believe that I, with my flaws, quirks, and failures, could be considered 'very good' by the Creator of the Universe. But, again, I am often distracted by the dumbest lies.

If you were more fit...
If you were a better friend...
If you were prettier...
If you were smarter...
If you weren't so weird...

And the list goes on.

I put endless amounts of value on my outward appearance, but God doesn't care about that. Knowing God's Word has been pivotal to living with chutzpah because the more I understand how God views me, the more focused I become on living a meaningfully. In 1 Samuel when in search of a new king, God told Samuel: “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

Clearly, when I step back and assess the big picture, my appearance does not matter. The condition of my heart, whether or not I'm generous, living with honor and selflessness...those are the things that matter. 

Are you distracted by the standards of others or our culture? Have you overlooked bettering your character to live up to others' expectations? 

My challenge to you...

10 Day Chutzpah Challenge
1. Write "thinking of you notes" to 5 of your closest friends. 

2. Post a positive-message sticky note to yourself on your mirror. (i.e. You are beautiful. You are smart and talented. Etc.)

3. Read something for FUN for at least 1 hour.

4. Pray or meditate for 15 minutes.

5. De-clutter your closet. Give away or toss anything you have not worn in at least 6 months. Or try the 37 Piece Wardrobe Capsule for ultimate simplicity! http://www.un-fancy.com/capsule-wardrobe-101/how-to-build-a-capsule-wardrobe/

6. Give yourself the gift of fitness. Workout and thank your body for what it can do! 

7. Call your grandparents. Listening to the stories and advice of older generations is not just a sweet blessing, but their lessons learned provide us with applicable wisdom for our own lives. 

8. Start following a nonprofit that is proactively making a positive impact. Or, educate your friends and family of an issue in which you are passionate. 

9. Take a mini road trip. Yes, just go on a drive. Roll down the windows and blast your favorite tunes. I recommend doing so at a time of day you would normally be sleeping or busy with other commitments. Take 30 minutes to blow off your normal schedule and get on the open road! (Note: do be respectful of others' time. Maybe think twice before cancelling important meetings or no-showing. Flakiness is not chutzpah.)

10. Invest in yourself. A wellness coach can help you hone in on personal goals and provide encouragement as you take steps toward becoming the best you ever! Check out https://threedubwellness.wordpress.com/aboutme/. My friend, Whitney, is a health coach and has got it going on!

Maybe "Beauty" Isn't What I Think It Is...

If you're new to reading my blog, thank you for taking the time to click on the link and take a little peek. Let me get you caught up on what this whole "Redefining Beauty" thing is all about.

My name is Kelsey. I'm 12 days shy of turning 28 years old and I grew up in a small town in western Washington. I'm a recovered bulimic and exercise-addict, ex-cutter and substance-abuser. I'm really just a normal-kind-of-girl with a goal to help people live free from eating disorders and body image issues. They say tough situations make you stronger and more able to help others. Whoever "they" is, I think they're right.

Re: Defining Beautyful You is the result of, somewhat random, thoughts, ideas, and dreams mostly on the topic of beauty, body image, and related topics. I utilizing the creativity behind writing as a coping mechanism while in recovering from the eating disorder and it quickly became a part of me. I suppose it's a hobby slash passion slash lifestyle all jumbled together. I am on a quest to challenge our societal viewpoint of beauty, femininity, womanhood, and attractiveness.

This blog is my canvas of vulnerability, raw truth, and touchy topics that many people don't really talk about. Body image issues and eating disorders are super prevalent in the U.S. Literally, last I read, over 75% of women struggle with food. It's insane.

Anyway, there's your snippet of what this is all about.

Finley, the best baby EVER.

So, I'm an auntie now. Or, rather, my sister gave birth to the most awesome, amazing, incredible, beautiful, smart, strong baby girl in the whole world just a mere 11 days ago. I'm not biased whatsoever. I swear. She really is that colossally spectacular. See for yourself...

Ok, I admit, I am a teeny bit fond of her.

But, in all seriousness, God has used my sister's pregnancy and Finley's little life to open my eyes to another perspective of beauty and provide a new appreciation for what the female body can endure and support.

The Beauty I've Witnessed in the Past 10 Months Regarding this Little Jewel:

1. My sister's ever changing body doing exactly what it needed to do to keep Finley alive and provide everything her little body needed to grow from a tiny little cell-sized little-bit into this incredible mini-human.

2. John and Kristen's dedication to create an amazing space in which Finley will grow up. Their home is family-centered, welcoming, and open to visitors. Finley's nursery was lovingly breathed-into-existence (figuratively speaking, mind you) with a ton of planning and hard work by both my brother-in-law and sister.

3. The way each of their three dogs animatedly approved of Baby Finley the very first day they met her.

4. John and Kristen's excitement toward each other as they brought this little life into the world.

5. John's servant-heart toward his girls. He seriously loves on them so well.

6. Kristen's interest in and commitment to providing the best for her baby by eating well, taking tons of breast milk generating supplements, and budgeting toxin free soaps, shampoos, etc. for their little one.

7. John and Kristen's tenacity to figure out this parenting thing.

As I watch the two of them join together as a team to learn how to best care for Finley, it's evident that beauty lies within the details and small pleasures of the ins-and-outs of being a parent. In no way am I saying parenting is glamorous. But witnessing John and Kristen take this on like champs absolutely distracts me from any hint of self-doubt, body image issue, or confidence issue. It's a bigger story that puts life into perspective. So, thank you, John and Kristen, for representing beauty at it's finest.

Live fully, love wholly, rejoice daily.
xoxo
KC

To the Guy Who Broke My Heart, Thank You.

Hey,

Thank you.

Because of you I am more bold and more wise. It is not because you treated me so well. No, in fact, quite the opposite. You played games and tried to get me to earn your attention and your affection. You set unattainable standards of perfection and shamed me when I did not meet your expectations. You tried to tell me I was unworthy, unlovable, ungrateful, unwilling to compromise. In actuality, I was compromising. Compromising all I was and all I dreamed of becoming.

The craziest part of all is not that you treated me so poorly, but that I began to believe I deserved to be disrespected and dishonored. I forgot who I was and who I represented. A far greater entity than you.

But, in your own hurt and brokenness, you tried to break me. So, I thank you.

Thank you for being the straw that broke the camels back. I'm not one for cliches, you know that, but you are that piece of straw. You were the last of countless men who will get away with devaluing me and tearing me down. Because of everything we went through, I emerged better. More brilliant. More sparkly than ever. It's amazing, really. Like the refining fire, the pain I endured while we were together actually exposed someone more radiant and resilient. Delicate, not fragile. Grounded, not settled. I thank you for your part in my journey to become this woman.

I am not angry. Not anymore. And, I do not hate you. Rather, I hope you, too, can reach a point of thankfulness for the lessons learned. May forgiveness set you free from the torment and burden of holding onto hatred. May you look back on our time together and see growth in yourself.

Until then, good-bye. I put away all disdain, doubt, and mistrust and eagerly pursue my next dazzling adventure.

Sincerely,
Kelsey

Hot Mess Status

Today was a hot mess day. I did not intend to portray the I-didn't-really-try-this-morning look. But it happened. My ensemble, hair, and make-up screamed, "I don't really care right now, so shut up and move along with your own freakin' business!" I just had better things to do this morning than stand in front of the mirror flat ironing, tweezing, and bronzing. And it definitely ended up being a hot mess kind of day.

No, I did not wear this mess today.

But I am far from shocked. As I take a stand for natural beauty and advocate for health versus society's jacked-up standards of femininity, beauty, and womanhood, it is easy to speak out when I feel beautiful and loved and valued. But in those times when I'm just feeling...like a hot mess...pursuing things of substance and meaning are far less appealing as whatever it is I need to do to feel less of a hot mess. It is on those hot mess days that I am far less apt to encourage my fellow females to embrace themselves as-is and embark on adventure.

After deciding to leave my make-up as-is and only tie back my hair in order to look a little more socially acceptable, as I was meeting a new client today, my final, and most reasonable, option was to blog about it. I mean, millions of people are putting their business on Facebook.

So, ladies, we all have hot mess days. Life, itself, is a hot mess sometimes. Today, I encourage you to embrace that messy self. Frazzled and needing rest. Wrinkled clothes and greasy hair. Whatever your hot mess is, it's yours. So, sister, keep rockin' what you got. Tomorrow will be fabulous. Just wait and see!

Live fully, love wholly, rejoice daily.
xoxo
KC

Issues

We all have them...

I am thrilled to introduce to you an honest and vulnerable woman with issues. Food issues. Her story is her own unique memoir, but I guarantee you or someone you know can relate as over 2/3 of American women and girls struggle with food. 

I am honored to introduce Debbie Clevenger, guest author at RE: Defining Beautyful You. Adoptive mother, hospice nurse, fitness enthusiast, mentor, friend, daughter, sister, auntie. She wears many hats. The best of which is Daughter of the King. Her story to a healthier life is inspiring. Dropping nearly 100 pounds and becoming the woman God intended her to be... She's my mom. Check out her story below. 

As far back as I can remember, I heard voices. I was six years old, in kindergarten at the Rider’s Club.

"I don’t have any real friends."
"If I was little people would like me."
"There is nothing about me that makes me special."
"I different and different isn’t good."

I am the fifth of 12 children in my family. I remember feeling overlooked, invisible, and lonely. My whole identity seemed to come from the fact that I was a “Perry girl." Strangely enough, the phrase would invoke feelings of pride, but I often felt lumped together with this large group of people and I didn’t fit. 

My physical appearance is nothing like that of my siblings. I am tall and dark in complexion and hair with green eyes. Many of my siblings are fair, petite and have ocean blue eyes just like my dad. People would joke about my having been adopted or say that I didn’t have the same dad as my siblings. Though I knew it wasn’t the truth, the feelings I experienced when I heard these comments became part of my reality. When I looked in the mirror, different stared back at me. 

And so began my journey of people-pleasing, working to gain approval, and using food to stuff my feelings and anesthetize my pain. I began sneaking food and stealing cookies from the fridge at the Rider’s Club when I was six years old. The voices sounded like my own.

"You’re so ugly."
"No one likes you."
"She is pretending to be your friend."
"If you weren’t so fat…."
"You are SO STUPID."
"If they knew the truth…."
"No one would notice if you were gone."
"You don’t matter."

I heard a continual stream of accusations and I begun to believe every word. Without knowing why, food became my companion. I could shut out the hurt, the people, and the world. Food would not reject me. It soothed my pain. With food, I could experience pleasure and hide my identity. In a food coma, I could no longer feel.

It wasn’t until I was an adult that I learned the continually-looping recording in the background of my mind was not healthy. I was not conscious of it all the time, but it was there, lying to me. A constant companion, berating, belittling, tick marks, wounding my heart. I tried to fix myself. Smile more, work harder, focus on the needs of others. Nothing worked for long. I was fractured and wounded.

I learned there was only one way to be made whole and that would be at the hands of a loving, gentle, all powerful, loving God. The God, whom I learned later, was with me, holding my right hand even as I was feeling rejected by the world and was rejecting myself. God was loving me, carrying me when I felt alone, afraid, used-up, and ugly. He allowed me to experience these things, but never left me alone. 

As you read this, you may be seeing your truth in my words. Let me assure you, you are NOT alone. The Creator of the universe fashioned you in your mother’s womb. Yes, he knows the number of hairs on your head and he has heard every lie ever shouted, or whispered, in your ear. He is Jehovah Rapha, The Lord that heals. 

In order to be transformed, I had to learn how to feel again. God sent a warm, wonderful woman with great love and faith into my life to walk me down the path of healing. He took my broken-little-girl heart and, little by little, brought fullness of joy. He is my Jehovah Rapha, and the healing continues today. He wants to be your healer, your Lord, your Savior. You need only ask and surrender.

Debbie with her personal trainer, Joe, getting work done on her 51st birthday!

Going Deeper

Me: "In your journey to healing, what did it tangibly look like to surrender?"

Debbie: "As my healing transformation began, God walked with me on the path. First, I had to surrender the walls I had built to protect myself from feeling. Next I had to give up the idea that someone "did this to me, caused my pain." I had to let go of blame and forgive. Finally, surrender happens daily, multiple times daily, and most often, it is me acknowledging that I do not have control. I do not NEED control..."

Me: "How would you encourage others who have experienced deep wounds and fill the void with food?"

Debbie: "To encourage others, I often say, 'You are a daughter of the Most High King. He knows you intimately and loves you dearly. Nothing can separate you from him. So when you feel yourself slipping into the fog that allows you to to shutdown emotionally, call out to God, lean into him. Take a moment and listen to the voices in your head and correct the lies with biblical truths.'"

Me: In 5 words or less, what is your definition of beauty?

Debbie: "Courage, kindness, humility, acceptance, my children. I know that was 6. But you kids were the very FIRST thing that came to my mind when I read the question."

Please post comments below. If you are inspired by what you read subscribe to RE: Defining Beautyful You to the right. 

Live wholly, love fully, rejoice daily. 
KC 
xoxo
 
  

Eating Disorder Awareness Week 2015: Overcoming Bulimia

February 22-28, 2015 is National Eating Disorder Awareness week. Millions struggle with food or know someone who do. 

Please check out my story below.

Please comment below. Let's start the conversation. 

http://nedawareness.org/

http://www.findingbalance.com/

Live wholly, love fully, rejoice daily.

KC

xoxo

I AM

Then Moses said to God, “If I come to the people of Israel and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they ask me, ‘What is his name?’ what shall I say to them?” God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM.” And he said, “Say this to the people of Israel, ‘I AM has sent me to you.’” God also said to Moses, “Say this to the people of Israel, ‘The Lord, the God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, has sent me to you’: this is my name for ever, and thus I am to be remembered throughout all generations.”
Exodus 3:13-15


Made in the essence of God (Genesis 1), he purposely and perfectly created me (Psalm 139).
So often, I doubt what he made is good. I hone in on my flaws. I am my worst critic.
But, what if the details I recognize as imperfections are characteristics I must learn to positively utilize...? What if I am ok, as is...? What if God created me with purpose, on purpose...?
I'm changing my mindset and not only accepting myself as is, but celebrating what God has done!

I AM
You are I AM.
You have called me,
so I AM, too.
I AM brilliance.
I AM grace.
I AM enough.
I AM acceptance.
I AM adoration.
I AM just right.
The me you intended me to be
offers something special to this world
that no one else can fulfill.
I must learn to live in the I AM.
The world is missing out on I AM
when I doubt I AM.
I trust I AM.
I know I AM.
I AM, too.


Live wholly, love fully, rejoice daily.
KC