Are You Your Own Hardest Critic?

Raise your hand if you are hard on yourself. Now, raise your other hand if you have ever looked at yourself in the mirror and thought something negative.

Ugly. Fat. Wrinkly. Tired. Skinny. Curvy. Flat. Boring. Plain. Too much. Not enough. Etc.

If I was not typing right now, I would have both hands raised high. Really high. In fact, I would probably have to stand on the chair in which I'm seated and reach to the ceiling to properly represent the intensity in which I am guilty of being hard on myself and reacting with critical negativity.

I would consider criticalness one of my weaknesses. I am hardest on myself. Don't worry, if you are one of my friends or family members, I probably adore you and loathe myself. (Ew. This is hard to admit.) But, I forget I'm a daughter of the King, that I was made on purpose for a purpose, that I have meaning and value. (If you forgot, you do too! We gotta start believing this, sister!)

You see, I know the ugly thoughts I entertain. I know when I am being honest and when I'm exaggerating. I know when I'm being authentic and when I'm holding back. I am the only one, aside from God, who knows the real me. You're kidding yourself if you think you are completely authentic 100% of the time. We just don't do it. It's scary. It's hard. Putting the best foot forward is socially acceptable, even if it's anti-authentic and shallow. But it robs us of true, life-giving self-acceptance.


It becomes a game of sorts. Somewhat faking. Dodging those who poke and prod and want to know the real me. I'm guilty of wearing a mask because if anyone did know the real me, they wouldn't love me. (I understand that isn't the real truth, but sometimes it is what I allow myself to believe.)

So, I hide behind a mask, refusing to be known, though my biggest need is to be known. I let the fear of imperfection prevent me from living boldly. I often reference Brené Brown when I write. She is amazing. A real inspiration. More authentic. More vulnerable. Because a brave, authentic, vulnerable life is the fullest life.

Brené Brown says, "Imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we're all in this together."

Do you believe it? Do you believe we are all in this together. Today I believe it. Sometimes I don't. And I need the grace of God to draw me back to the togetherness boat. Here are a few ways I am learning to take off the mask, be real, stop being so dang critical of myself, and believe we are in this together:

1. Say something positive. And say it out loud. 

I have a list of really positive, good things that is push-pinned into the wall, at eye-level, as I exit my bedroom. Most days, I glance at the list on my way out and read one aloud. I may not fully believe whatever good and positive thing I have just stated, but the more I do say it, the more the truth gets engrained in my heart. Getting something from head to heart is the tricky part, my lovely friend. 

Internal lies do not stand a chance against verbal truths. Imagine if you spoke all the negative things you think. The other day, my counselor gave me an activity to do during my session. I had to write out all my good characteristics (talents don't count) and then I had to write out all the negative emotions and feelings I've ever experienced. The negatives were really hard to write as I realized I believe some very sad things that I hadn't really identified before. They included things like: I'm alone. I'm not good enough. I'm overwhelming to others. 

As I identified the negatives, they lost their power. Especially when I spoke them out loud as speaking them after speaking the truth, was like night and day. It was obvious what was true and what was not.

Here's a link to what I have posted in my room that helps me tons! 

2. Be real. Even when it's embarrassing or tough. 

Writing may not be your outlet like it is mine. But, disclosing what I'm presently working on and then posting it to this blog and linking it to social media is one way I am challenged to be real and vulnerable. Though I know other women's experiences are similar to mine, it's always sort of awkward to let others into my inner places. For me, exposing my flaws and revealing imperfections is a great challenge. But, it's a way my perfectionism is broken and I start to love myself better. When I'm real, I allow myself to be human. To learn to be authentic, I've had to get thicker skin and stop caring about what anyone thinks. Especially those who are not brave enough to learn to be real, too.  

3. Give thanks. 

Pumpkins spice lattes are back at Starbucks. As is the "Give Thanks" decor at Hobby Lobby. But, I mean, really give thanks. Be intentionally thankful. Practice gratitude. Give praise. 

I struggle with body image. When I catch myself being critical of myself, I try to turn my negative thoughts to praises of thankfulness.

Lord, thank you for an able body. For four appendages. For a great facility to get to workout in. For a beach to run on. For healing from past injuries.

A prayer of gratitude always does it. Thankfulness gives me a better perspective. I can no longer criticize my body when I'm thanking God for a healthy one. 

Make a list of your positive characteristics of your inner most person (remember talents don't count). Strive to be authentic. You don't have to start a blog, but practice being real with the people in your life. And give thanks. Be thankful always. As we remember we are on this journey together, we can enter the arena, bring our best game, and come out a little more brave. A little more healed. A little more whole. 

Live fully, love wholly, rejoice daily, 

Kels

xoxo

Magical Moments to Refocus and Get Grounded Again. And Again.

There is something magical about quiet moments in a Florida air-conditioned Starbucks. A hot, dark cup of Pike (you Starbucks people know exactly what I'm talking about), and a divine moment with God. You know, God, the Maker of the Universe. The Creator of all, Heavenly Father, Alpha and Omega, and Perfect Friend. 

Magic in the making.

Before you critique me for mentioning "magic" and God in the same paragraph, quietly reach down and pick that wad of underwear out from your butt crack. I have run into so many people claiming Christianity who are so quick to critique people because they don't care to try to understand another human being on the face of the planet and forget the true mission of Jesus: Love God and love people (Matthew 22:37-39). In no way am I insinuating that God does medicine-man-witchcraft-magic. To some of us who love unicorns and all things that sparkle, the term magic has nothing to do with sorcery or even Harry Potter himself. 

Alright, moving on. 
Back to the magic of the above stated equation.

Starbucks' air conditioning + black coffee + quiet moments with God = magic 

It is in these moments when I am brought back to earth. When my ungodly unattainable expectations for myself are brought back into reality. When I begin to see how far off I have been. When I return my focus to I AM. 

But Moses said to God, “Suppose I go to Bnei-Yisrael and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they ask me, ‘What is His Name?’ What should I say to them?”

God answered Moses, “I AM WHO I AM.” Then He said, “You are to say toBnei-Yisrael, ‘I AM’ has sent me to you.” 

God also said to Moses: “You are to say to Bnei-Yisrael, Adonai, the God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, has sent me to you. This is My Name forever, and the Name by which I should be remembered from generation to generation.

Exodus 3:13-15

Jesus even declared he is, "I AM." 

John 8

I AM WHO I AM. 

Seems so simple. And complex. Simultaneously. That's the trinity for you! Everything and all things and intricate and beautifully simplistic all jumbled up together at one time with perfect organization. And sprinkles on top. 

As I graciously bask in my magical moment with God at Starbucks in the air conditioning, sipping my coffee, I am absolutely bewildered that I would even consider taking my gaze off something so magnificent, so amazing, so...(ahhhhhh there are no words to describe him)! But I totes do. All the time. 

Insert positive self talk: Give yourself grace, Kelsey. You won't get it right all the time.

End positive self talk.

I'm practicing positive self-talk, so better utilize every opportunity, right?! 

The reality is, there is an enemy who wants to distract us from being so crazy in love with Jesus that we worship whatever else. Satan wants to have God's spot (Isaiah 14:13-14). I see those distractions in my life. It comes mostly in perfectionism and people-pleasing. 

Having been an avid athlete and finding my happy place in CrossFit nearly three years ago, I have definitely prioritized weight-lifting, diet, my physique, WODs, workout clothes, and more before God. As if "perfecting" my lifts or looking "perfect" will fulfill everything in my life. I love CrossFit. I love fitness. I really do. But, I have to assess if my actions show that I love God more or the gym more. Ouch. Sometimes I wonder when enough will be enough. If it's not residual issues from the eating disorder that used to control my every thought and action, it's the distortion of something good. I make fitness my idol. 

But, then, I'll experience a magical moment with God (not always at Starbucks) and reality will come crashing down again. Realizing I have placed myself on the throne and lost focus of my Creator. Again. 

But, even there, I could get discouraged that I have failed yet again. But, no, not this time satan. You lousy dude. 

See how this can spiral out of control? 

Where do lies and distractions get you down? How are you falling into the trap of idolizing anything other than the Creator God, Adonai himself?

The things that matter most.

May I encourage you to be aware. Sit still. At Starbucks, or not. Drink coffee, or not. Be where you need to be to hear the silence. Seek God's voice. This will entail turning your phone off and logging out of Facebook. Schedule this magical time if you have to. It's more than worth it. 

As I begin to end this blog post, I am inspired and motivated to reprioritize life. God. Family. Friends. Loving people. Doing good. Less obsessing about the worries of the world. Less counting macronutrients in pursuit of a perfect physique. More enjoying life. More of what God has intended. Freedom and peace. 

Live fully, love wholly, rejoice daily, 

Kels

xoxo

How a Plant-Based Diet Can Improve More than Just Your Physique

This blog is primarily to serve women. It is about women. Written by women. Until now. James is my best friend, partner in crime, and biggest supporter. When he started his clean eating/veganism journey this past January, I asked him to write his story to share. We never in a million years expected veganism to not only transform our bodies but also our relationship. Here's our story, as told by James and myself!

"My name is James T. Blunt. I started this year weighing about 215 pounds and feeling very dissatisfied with my physical appearance. I am an avid Crossfitter and Olympic weight-lifter. I am, by no means, sedentary. But, I didn't have the body composition that I desired.

I felt that I had all the typical knowledge one would need to be "fit." I have read many books and listened to many well educated people give lectures on fitness and nutrition. I didn't always implement all of the information that I had, but I rarely gorged on foods that were, what I considered to be, downright unhealthy. Since I wasn't getting the results I desired, I decided to go on a journey and looked in a place I had heard was a deep, dark cave of muscle loss and lethargy. Veganism."

Tom and Gisele seem to be doing just fine on a plant-based diet!

It's me, Kelsey, again! A few other things were in the works as James and I were discussing what changes we could make in our diets to achieve a leaner physique and gain more energy. I had been in contact in a chiropractor and nutrition specialist in South Carolina and learned a ton about detoxing and the health benefits behind omitting caffeine, sugar, and toxins. James and I had also come across documents and articles valuing a primarily plant-based diet. Did you know Tom Brady and the beautiful Gisele eat an organic 80% plant-based diet?! (Check out details here.)

I'll let James take it from here...

"I watched a documentary that would totally shift the way I thought about food and specifically proteins. The film was titled, 'Forks Over Knives.' I strongly recommend giving it a look. After watching the film, I decided to go on an 80% vegetable diet and reducing my meat consumption to only 20% of my daily caloric intake. I mean, I am a weightlifter...how could I keep all these "gainz" if I stopped eating meat?!"

Kelsey here! This is the time, too, that James' church, Celebration Church in Jacksonville, Florida, started the Awakening Fast. It was a 21 day time to fast and intentionally spend more time seeking God. 

Cue James...

"So after about a week of detoxing, my church called for a 21 day fast. During the fast I decided to give up all meats, refined sugars, and caffeine. Over those 21 days, I got so close to the Lord! My spiritual life exploded! My relationship with my beautiful girlfriend saw so much improvement! My cognitive thinking was better. I was more aware of me and my surroundings. My energy went through the roof, I was completing much longer, harder workouts and still feeling great!

"My spiritual life exploded! My relationship with my beautiful girlfriend saw so much improvement! My cognitive thinking was better."

Before the fast, I was often tired well before completing of the Workout of the Day (WOD). I extended the fast to continue on with the new lifestyle God has revealed to me. I have introduced meat in moderation, but still shy away from refined sugars. I occasionally drink coffee, but keep my caffeine intake to a minimum."

How could I go without meat proteins and strive for my fitness goals?!

It was at the time of the Awakening Fast that I decided to jump on board with James. Being so enveloped in the fitness industry, I too, could not fathom going meatless. In reminiscence, I had learned that my body would thrive on foods that are more simple to digest because the acidic level in my stomach is low. When I would eat meat, I would get bloated and uncomfortable. But, I kept eating meat anyway and attempting to supplement because, How could I go without meat proteins and strive for my fitness goals?!

The pieces started fitting together. I adopted a mentality of working with my body instead of supplementing to correct my body. In addition, James and I have been working on supporting each other in as endeavors. I felt called to join him in the Awakening Fast. So, bye-bye meat! (I kept caffeine...I'm still working on weaning myself off of it!)

My diet consisted of mostly organic produce, legumes and grains, and plant based protein powder. Like James, I felt awesome! I got on a good sleep schedule and actually slept 8+ hours per night, my occasional pimple stopped popping up unexpectedly, I had tons of energy, and could see changes in my physique within two weeks. I have a long history with an eating disorder. Eating a plant-based diet helped me feel even more removed from those old tendencies that tried to expose themselves from time-to-time. The most notable improvements were in my relationship with God and with James. I prioritized time reading my Bible and in prayer throughout the 21 day fast and reignited the passion to do so on the regular. The more in-tune I became with God, the more James' and my relationship improved. We were giving each other grace and trying to see things from the other's perspective. We were well rested and energetic, so were tended to be less cranky toward each other. The more we took care of ourselves, the more we had to give the other person. It's truly been amazing!

James' before and after...21 days progress!

"I encourage everyone to look deep and muster the courage to step out and try something you have never tried before. That is the only way to get results you've never achieved before! My favorite quote goes a little like this, 'It's not what we don't know that gets us in trouble. It's what we know to be true that just ain't so that is the problem,' -Mark Twain."

I want to thank the lovely woman in my life Kelsey Clevenger and the author of this blog for coming on this amazing journey with me. She has had outstanding results, also. She has been so willing to support me and all of my 'crazy ideas.' I think this one is a success. Last but not least, if no has told you today that they love you, I love you and I'm praying for each and everyone of you!"

And with that, we're out! 

Live fully, love wholly, rejoice daily, 

James and Kelsey

xoxo

The Truth of Your Existence

I have to admit.

I am so hard on myself. If I were to track the negative thoughts that run through my head, you (and I) would, most likely, be appalled. It seems ironic that I help women better their relationships with their bodies when I seriously struggle with accepting myself.

But, I do believe this is exactly where I am supposed to be...on this journey with you. No almighty been-there-done-that-and-overcome-body-image-issues-and-know-how-to-love-myself attitude coming from me. Nope, just raw, vulnerable "I feel you, sister." 

Today, James (the most amazing man in the world who just so happens to be my boyfriend) gave me one request.

"I have one request for you. I just ask for the rest of the week, you practice giving yourself grace. You so need it!...I just ask you to do one thing for me until Sunday and just practice giving yourself grace...I know you can do it, babe! You are loved and valued!" 

He really loves me. It is through situations such as these that I come to know this man wants the very best for me. And the very best right now is for me to learn to love me, value me, and accept me.

So, I was inspired to write a little something to express myself. In my head, I know the truth. I pray I (and you!) come to know Truth in our hearts.

True Beauty's Quintessence

By Kelsey Clevenger

When you look into the mirror,
What do you see?
Something horrific, tragic,
Someone disastrously ugly.

When you look into the mirror,
What comes to mind?
Unlovable, unworthy, 
Unfavorable, unkind.

Darling, my dear,
Do you know who you are?
Your Maker, your Father
Is not too far.

He hand-knit your soul,
Crafted your being.
He loves you and
Rejoices over you with singing.

I pray you come to know
The Truth of your existence.
With purpose and passion
God pursues you with persistence.

You are His gem,
His precious girl.
More valuable than the
Most most perfect of pearls.

Glistening, sparkling,
You are God's delight.
Sweet darling, please believe
You are perfect in His sight.

Stop feeding yourself lies,
Make the voices halt.
No more negativity,
Make positive your default.

For the words you speak
Become your essence,
When God actually calls you
True beauty's quintessence.

Sweet girl, lovely one
You have so much potential.
And loving who you are
Is so very essential.

If you're anything like me, and the truth of who you really are and your real value has been masked by societal pressures and downright lies, may you find peace today in knowing you're super awesome. You're made to do awesome things. And there is an awesome God who's got your back.

Live fully, love wholly, rejoice daily,
KC
xoxo

February Client Spotlight: Cassie Collins

Cassie Collins has been a joy and pleasure to have as a client. Her initial goal was to lose weight so she would look and feel amazing on her wedding day! Little did Cassie know that her commitment to health and fitness would lead to a serious boost in confidence, a new half marathon running hobby, and inspiring so many other women! Check out Cassie's story below!

My Transformation
 By Cassie Collins

"If I could do this, you can, too. You just have to want it badly enough!"

There are many things that have happened over the last few years and one of them was my weight gain. I was in a relationship characterized by domestic violence. I went from someone who worked out all the time to someone who became very introverted. I indulged on food to deal with my physical and emotional turmoil from that relationship.

After finally getting out of that 4 years of toxicity,  I found myself 50 pounds overweight and completely devastated. I was pre-diabetic and also faced serious preventative measures for cancer. That first year after getting out of the bad relationship was challenging.

Fast forward one year. I was able to drop my initial 14 pounds on my own, but I got stuck soon after. My fiance (now husband) helped motivate me and supported me in reaching out for help to drop the excess weight. Our wedding was coming up and I wanted to look my best.

So April of 2015 I joined FytGurlz and Kelsey became my trainer. I worked out with Kelsey and my my (now) friends, Tracy and Billie, three days per week. I started running more, too. Eventually, I hired a nutrition coach. I dropped an amazing 20 pounds just in time for our wedding on December 6th.

The support I got from Kelsey was nothing I had ever received before. I began running half marathons, training with my co workers before work. After running my first half marathon, my cousin was so inspired by it that she trained to run a half marathon with me. Running became a part of my lifestyle and I'm still running today!

 "Kelsey lifted me up whenever I doubted myself and never let me give up during a workout, even though, at times, I thought I was going to throw up!"

Through my personal training, I was also getting stronger. That lead to finally getting my self esteem back. Kelsey lifted me up whenever I doubted myself and never let me give up during a workout, even though, at times, I thought I was going to throw up!

"...I am so very proud of what I was able to accomplish...to look and feel great for my wedding!"

My journey isn't over. I am still aiming to drop an additional 20 pounds, but I am so very proud of what I was able to accomplish...to look and feel great for my wedding! With patience and dedication to my nutrition and workouts, I achieved what I thought would never be possible. If I could do this, you can, too. You just have to want it badly enough!

January Client Spotlight: Debbie Mullen

Happy New Year! I seriously hope 2016 is starting off well for you!
It's that time of year again! So many are setting new goals and planning for an amazing year! This year, I am highlighting one client every month. I am totally blessed to work with some amazing women who are on the journey to health and wholeness. Their stories are inspiring and encouraging!

I have been working with Debbie for nearly 3 months. She came to me with some serious mobility issues and had been working with a massage therapist and physical therapist. Debbie has faithfully worked retail for over 20 years and is on her feet a lot! She had not been on a fitness routine and was nervous to start.

Since day one, Debbie has trusted the process and has completed everything I have asked her to do. From running to jumping rope to push-ups, Debbie has given it her all and is making great progress! She tracks her meals everyday and has started her own home gym, slowly accumulating basic equipment so she can workout independently when we are not working together. Debbie has got it! She is taking her fitness journey one day at a time!

Check out what Debbie has to say about her training:

Why did you decide to get a personal trainer?

I decided to get a personal trainer because I knew that I needed help with my workouts and by having a trainer, I would actually go to the gym. I used to be a member elsewhere and hardly ever went (because I had no trainer and knew that no one would care if I went or not).

How long have you been training?

I joined Oct 13, 2015.

What has been the best part of your fitness journey so far?

The best part for me is that I am doing things I never thought I could do. I have a lot of pain and working out has helped with some of it. It has really helped with my mobility.

What do you plan to accomplish/what are your goals for the next year?

I would love to continue on this journey and be more flexible, work on my mobility, be in better shape, eat healthier and to hopefully be in less pain as I work on myself from the inside out.

I hope you are encouraged by Debbie's story and her fitness journey thus far. Remember, you don't have to have it all together. You just have to show up and work hard. Change one thing this week and see the progress start!

In good health,
Kelsey

Food Addiction: How Understanding the Biochemisty of Food Can Help You Gain Freedom from Food

Addiction. 
Just the word sounds daunting. Robbing freedom and stealing joy. Addiction does not only affect the individual struggling, but those close to that person, as well.

I don't know when my food addiction "started." Addiction does not happen overnight. But, throughout my 28 years of life, I have been pulled toward food as if subliminal messages told me food would cure my loneliness, unhappiness, stress, etc. My struggle with bulimia was intertwined with food addiction.

Many factors contribute to the development of a food addiction. Some may have a genetic marker associated with food addiction. Others have self-medicated with food and are now chemically dependent. Addiction can have familial and cultural roots.Some of us have poor coping skills and grabbed whatever was easy and accessible: food. Whatever the causation, you can overcome.

Did you know that the pleasure centers triggered by cocaine and heroine can also be triggered by food (Food Addiction, WebMD)? The combination of sugar, fat, and salt release our "feel good hormones" (i.e. dopamine and serotonin). For some, a chemical dependency is formed. We physiologically feel good when we eat sugar, fat, and salt. Neural pathways are created, telling ourselves we need food to be happy. Consequently, when we feel sad, depressed, anxious, or angry, we reach for food.

Food addiction is not entirely a matter of self-control. Your body is craving food with such an intensity that 'just not eating' is not an option. You are not without hope though! Understanding what is happening in your body is invaluable. Getting educated on the physiologic effects of food will help you beat the pulls of food addiction.

4 Tips to Overcoming Food Addiction

• List all the foods you can think of, and research other foods, that contain sugar, fat, and salt. I'll give you one: pizza. The crust is carbohydrates (or sugars), the toppings are generally fats and contain salt. The more you know about the biochemistry of foods, the more equipped you will be to avoid your trigger foods. Also, list foods you know you go to when you are experiencing negative emotions.
• Be mindful daily of avoiding foods composed of sugar, fat, and salt. You need to eliminate the trigger foods while you explore why you turn to food when you experience emotions. It is agreed upon that an alcoholic should avoid alcohol and hanging out in bars and taverns. Your addiction is real. You will need to avoid your trigger foods to start your journey of healing.
• Schedule some counseling sessions. Just like any other addict, there are issues beneath the issue. Face it head-on. It is challenging, but you will gain freedom from food that is long-term and life-giving. The bravest thing you can do is admit you can't walk this journey alone and seek the necessary help to overcome your addiction. Your counselor can give you positive coping tools, as well.
• Give yourself grace. If you are a binge eater, you may slip up and binge again. If you struggle with bulimia, you may binge and purge again. If you restrict your eating, slowly reintegrate healthy amounts of food back into your diet. You will not be completely okay starting tomorrow. This is a process and a journey. You are not a weak-willed person. Invite someone close to you to support you while you overcome your addiction. You are not an addict, you have a food addiction. You are brave and courageous to take the first step toward freedom and healing. 

May these tips help you overcome addiction. May you experience true freedom. If you found this article helpful, please share with those who may need help with their food issues and follow my blog. Comments are always welcome! Please do so below!

Live wholly, love fully, rejoice daily.
Kels
xoxo

To Seek Understanding

"Help me to seek understanding before seeking to be understood."

That prayer resonated with me this morning. So often I earnestly desire to be understood.

If only they tried to understand me. 
If they tried to understand what's going on with me, they would get it. 

I walk the line of immature self-absorption in effort to feel understood when 1) I am fully known and understood by the freakin' Creator of the Universe God Himself and 2) my wasted effort to feel understood inhibits my ability to understand others, which consistently narrows my focus on myself.

We all have a story behind the facade of smiles and "I'm good" answers when asked how we are. We have pain. Scars. Aches. Loneliness. Abandonment. Hopelessness. Fear. Anger.

Scars. Aches.

Loneliness. Abandonment. Hopelessness.

Fear. Anger.

While I have been adamantly aiming for others to fully understand the complexities of my life, I have overlooked others' need to be understood and accepted as-is. What a humbling and sobering reality.

Brene Brown is one of my role models. She researches acceptance and belonging. She says all people want to experience a sense of belonging. 

Check out Brene Brown's teaching on vulnerability here:

 

For more from Brene Brown, check out her website here.

So, as a Christian passionate about living out my faith, my role is to, first, love God and, second, love others (Matthew 23:34-37). As love is a choice prompted by action rather than a feeling I conjure through romantic Netflix movies, my focus must change from being understood to understanding.

What that tangibly entails? I'm not entirely sure. But that is the beauty of being a work in progress. Several times in the Bible, God is referred to as a potter and his people are the clay (Isaiah 64). What does a potter do? Mold clay. 

So, today, may I be molded. May I learn to remove my focus from being understood and learn to better understand those around me. And may you be malleable clay, as well. 

Live wholly, love fully, rejoice daily. 
Kels
xoxo

Vivacious Living: Turning Away from the Problematic Distractions and Pursuing Life Boldly

I recently updated the layout, background, and template of my blog. It was not an intentionally planned change, but it happened. And it made me smile. The new layout is bright, cheery, and easily navigated. If you'd visited my blog in the past, it was fine...but just not easy to read or inviting, for that matter.

I started my blog as individualistic expression. I had been in outpatient treatment for an eating disorder while a student at Washington State University and working part time and I just needed a blank canvas for my thoughts, ideas, and worries. The more transparent I was about the inner battle I daily fought, the less power it had over me. Since, the blog is still a canvas for thoughts, ideas, and, even worries (See a past post titled, I Fear Being the Fat Trainer.)

The direction for my blog has changed. Originally, I was on a quest to help all women truly believe they were beautiful. I thought if we all knew we were lovely and beautiful we would be healed of our issues and be more confident. Since, I've learned that beauty is not what makes the world go round. (Who would have thought?!) Believing I'm beautiful does not elevate my confidence or spark a fire in my bones to make the world a better place. Believing I'm beautiful does not make me interesting, alluring, a better mentor, or a better person. It doesn't make me more skilled at my trade or more zealous to help those in need.

Believing I'm beautiful ended up becoming a band-aid covering a festering wound. I gave my allegiance to superficiality and objectivity. An "ugly day" totally threw off my mojo and sent me into depression. Maybe you can relate.

Vivacious, bold, radical living had to become my new pursuit if I was going to continue to win the battle over the eating disorder and other mental health related issues. What characterizes a vivacious, bold, radical woman?

Vivacious, bold, radical 

living had to become my new pursuit

A vivaciously bold, radically living woman is:
Funny- she has a sense of humor and she is secure enough to laugh at herself.

Respectable- she knows her body is hers and for her husband (or future husband). She does not gossip. She does not seek attention.

Generous- she uses her God-given resources to better the lives of others. Her time is not her own. She gives back to her community without blowing up her social media accounts to brag about her good deeds.

Focused- she has goals. But more importantly, she dreams. And then she pursues those dreams. She is focused on the here and now, living every day to its fullest, but she is focused on the future and makes choices to positively impact her future.

Thoughtful- she does her best to remember friends' birthdays, give words of encouragement, and think of others first. She genuinely wants the best for all people, even those who have wronged her.

Confident- she may be called weird or strange. She may be odd. But, she is living out who her Creator made her to be and she legitimately does not care what you think. Sorry, not sorry. She walks in freedom knowing she was made very good by a very good God (check out Genesis 1:1-31).

Open-minded- she is willing to learn from others and, even, change her perspective based on others' influence. She avoids religiosity and close-minded prejudices. She stands for what she believes, but loves all people, regardless of their choices.

Your focus may not be body image, beauty, or food issues. It may be a whole plethora of problematic distractions that inhibit you from vivacious living. But do not let it steal your joy. Do not let it become your god. Establish what are the non-negotiables in your life and pursue those with purpose and passion.

Live wholly, love fully, rejoice daily.
Kels
xoxo

From Chronic Dieting to Vibrant Living: How Randie Quit the Yo-Yo Diets and Changed her Life Forever

Meet Randie. She is one of my adored clients. She arrives to her 6 am workouts ready to kick butt! Randie is a go-getter. She has been on quite the journey. Read her story here. May it inspire and encourage you as well...
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Randie, right, in December 2014

My journey started at birth, 55 years ago.  After all, what is life but a journey?  I tried many diets over the years- some of them more than once. As I reflect, trying to write this, I believe that I wasn’t successful (I hate the word failure) because although I wanted to lose weight, I didn’t believe that I deserved to be thin and happy.

I didn't believe that I deserved to be thin and happy.  

There are so many “old tapes” I used to play in my head. Things I was told, things I read, things that I saw, etc. The truth of the matter is this….I can’t change the past, and I am not the same person I was when I was 5, 25 or even 50.  I am who I am right now, this minute.  

I knew many years ago that I didn’t want to have a bunch of pill bottles lined up on the kitchen counter as I got older. I just didn’t want that to be part of my future. I saw my grandparents live that way and now I was witnessing my parents following in the same footsteps. My parents are both at least 15 years older physically, than they are chronologically. It scares the hell out of me.

It scares the hell out of me.


I know that so many of their health problems could have been avoided if they had made better choices when they were younger. I believe that there are so many things beyond our control that can kill us. Why wouldn’t I want to take control of the things I can? I am NOT getting any younger, so it was time! It was time to take control and make changes in my life. I do not want to live forever. I just want to feel as good as I can for as long as I can!

In December, 2014 I heard about a new diet plan while having coffee with a friend. I did some research and decided to try it. I am not going to share it at this time because it is not a cure all. Many of my co-workers, friends and family have also tried this food plan after seeing my weight loss.  Some have lost weight and others have not. It makes me feel bad because I know that, yet again, they feel like they "failed.” I really believe, from the bottom of my soul, that my motivation to really do it this time came from a totally different place. I was scared of my future. How many pills would I need to regulate blood pressure, cholesterol, depression, reflux, pain in my joints, diabetes…? The list can go on and on. 

Well, the weight started coming off. I was losing two to three pounds each week. Not the 0.4 or 0.6 I had lost during my last round with dieting. Each and every week I lost weight. The most I lost in one week was four pounds and the least I lost was one. I am happy to share that to date I have about 65 pounds.

Sometime in June, 2015, I heard about FytGurlz. Not once, or twice, but three times in ONE day!  I looked up and said "O.K.  I get it! I will look into FytGurlz today!” I filled out the information slip online and the very next day I was contacted. What I immediately liked was that I was given the opportunity to try each and every class offered one time free of charge. I was blown away! That told me they had a great product to offer and they knew if people came, they would love all that FytGurlz offers! 

When I was contacted, I explained that I was interested in someone who could help me re-hab my knees. I have had knee pain in one or both of my knees for about 5 years. Yes, I have been to the doctor and physical therapist. Nothing helped. I was told that Kelsey was the girl for me. When we met, I was feeling a little anxious. I was afraid of failing by not following through. But I knew the only thing holding me back was me.

But I knew the only thing holding me back was me.

I met with Kelsey and we hit it off right away. All of my anxiety went away. I believed she could help me help myself. She told me that her passion is to help the body function the way it was meant to function.  She has so much energy, knowledge and passion…it is contagious!

Randie in September 2015

I started off with personal training sessions with Kelsey in July. We met once each week. In addition, she created a personalized plan for me to do at home. After the first two weeks, I was feeling stronger-- emotionally and physically. She created each workout to help my body function to the best of its ability. After two months, Kelsey encouraged me to switch to the small group fitness classes.  This would provide the opportunity to meet twice as often for less money than I was presently investing in myself. Really? Get more and pay less? Who does that?! 

I was a bit reluctant for many reasons. I was afraid I couldn’t keep up with the others. I was also afraid to make the commitment. I was afraid I would let myself down. Don’t get me wrong….I have been exercising doing Jazzercise for over 4 years now. I just knew that this would be different than anything I had ever done before. Kelsey assured me that I was ready. She had as much faith in me as I do in her! What an amazing feeling! She wanted the same things for me that I want for myself...HEALTH!

And so, here it is, October 2015. I LOVE going to the small group “No Excuses” fitness class two times each week. I have had absolutely no issues keeping up with the other ladies, even though I am twice their age! At every session Kelsey asks about my knees and reminds me to let her know if I need any modifications. Kelsey has gone above and beyond. She is so easy to talk to and she encourages me with praise and, every now and then, she takes my picture. She has helped me see, literally see how fit and strong I am becoming.

I still want to lose some more weight, but this time it is not about what size I wear or how much I weigh. This time it is about how I feel!

This time it is about how I feel!

It is easy to fall back on old patterns and criticize myself for this or that, but I am trying to treat myself like I would treat my best friend if she were on this journey. I would treat her with love, understanding, encouragement and praise. I don’t know where my journey called life will take me, but I do know this: You are NEVER too old and it is NEVER too late to reinvent yourself!
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Live wholly, love fully, rejoice daily.
Kelsey
xoxo