January Client Spotlight: Debbie Mullen

Happy New Year! I seriously hope 2016 is starting off well for you!
It's that time of year again! So many are setting new goals and planning for an amazing year! This year, I am highlighting one client every month. I am totally blessed to work with some amazing women who are on the journey to health and wholeness. Their stories are inspiring and encouraging!

I have been working with Debbie for nearly 3 months. She came to me with some serious mobility issues and had been working with a massage therapist and physical therapist. Debbie has faithfully worked retail for over 20 years and is on her feet a lot! She had not been on a fitness routine and was nervous to start.

Since day one, Debbie has trusted the process and has completed everything I have asked her to do. From running to jumping rope to push-ups, Debbie has given it her all and is making great progress! She tracks her meals everyday and has started her own home gym, slowly accumulating basic equipment so she can workout independently when we are not working together. Debbie has got it! She is taking her fitness journey one day at a time!

Check out what Debbie has to say about her training:

Why did you decide to get a personal trainer?

I decided to get a personal trainer because I knew that I needed help with my workouts and by having a trainer, I would actually go to the gym. I used to be a member elsewhere and hardly ever went (because I had no trainer and knew that no one would care if I went or not).

How long have you been training?

I joined Oct 13, 2015.

What has been the best part of your fitness journey so far?

The best part for me is that I am doing things I never thought I could do. I have a lot of pain and working out has helped with some of it. It has really helped with my mobility.

What do you plan to accomplish/what are your goals for the next year?

I would love to continue on this journey and be more flexible, work on my mobility, be in better shape, eat healthier and to hopefully be in less pain as I work on myself from the inside out.

I hope you are encouraged by Debbie's story and her fitness journey thus far. Remember, you don't have to have it all together. You just have to show up and work hard. Change one thing this week and see the progress start!

In good health,
Kelsey

Food Addiction: How Understanding the Biochemisty of Food Can Help You Gain Freedom from Food

Addiction. 
Just the word sounds daunting. Robbing freedom and stealing joy. Addiction does not only affect the individual struggling, but those close to that person, as well.

I don't know when my food addiction "started." Addiction does not happen overnight. But, throughout my 28 years of life, I have been pulled toward food as if subliminal messages told me food would cure my loneliness, unhappiness, stress, etc. My struggle with bulimia was intertwined with food addiction.

Many factors contribute to the development of a food addiction. Some may have a genetic marker associated with food addiction. Others have self-medicated with food and are now chemically dependent. Addiction can have familial and cultural roots.Some of us have poor coping skills and grabbed whatever was easy and accessible: food. Whatever the causation, you can overcome.

Did you know that the pleasure centers triggered by cocaine and heroine can also be triggered by food (Food Addiction, WebMD)? The combination of sugar, fat, and salt release our "feel good hormones" (i.e. dopamine and serotonin). For some, a chemical dependency is formed. We physiologically feel good when we eat sugar, fat, and salt. Neural pathways are created, telling ourselves we need food to be happy. Consequently, when we feel sad, depressed, anxious, or angry, we reach for food.

Food addiction is not entirely a matter of self-control. Your body is craving food with such an intensity that 'just not eating' is not an option. You are not without hope though! Understanding what is happening in your body is invaluable. Getting educated on the physiologic effects of food will help you beat the pulls of food addiction.

4 Tips to Overcoming Food Addiction

• List all the foods you can think of, and research other foods, that contain sugar, fat, and salt. I'll give you one: pizza. The crust is carbohydrates (or sugars), the toppings are generally fats and contain salt. The more you know about the biochemistry of foods, the more equipped you will be to avoid your trigger foods. Also, list foods you know you go to when you are experiencing negative emotions.
• Be mindful daily of avoiding foods composed of sugar, fat, and salt. You need to eliminate the trigger foods while you explore why you turn to food when you experience emotions. It is agreed upon that an alcoholic should avoid alcohol and hanging out in bars and taverns. Your addiction is real. You will need to avoid your trigger foods to start your journey of healing.
• Schedule some counseling sessions. Just like any other addict, there are issues beneath the issue. Face it head-on. It is challenging, but you will gain freedom from food that is long-term and life-giving. The bravest thing you can do is admit you can't walk this journey alone and seek the necessary help to overcome your addiction. Your counselor can give you positive coping tools, as well.
• Give yourself grace. If you are a binge eater, you may slip up and binge again. If you struggle with bulimia, you may binge and purge again. If you restrict your eating, slowly reintegrate healthy amounts of food back into your diet. You will not be completely okay starting tomorrow. This is a process and a journey. You are not a weak-willed person. Invite someone close to you to support you while you overcome your addiction. You are not an addict, you have a food addiction. You are brave and courageous to take the first step toward freedom and healing. 

May these tips help you overcome addiction. May you experience true freedom. If you found this article helpful, please share with those who may need help with their food issues and follow my blog. Comments are always welcome! Please do so below!

Live wholly, love fully, rejoice daily.
Kels
xoxo

To Seek Understanding

"Help me to seek understanding before seeking to be understood."

That prayer resonated with me this morning. So often I earnestly desire to be understood.

If only they tried to understand me. 
If they tried to understand what's going on with me, they would get it. 

I walk the line of immature self-absorption in effort to feel understood when 1) I am fully known and understood by the freakin' Creator of the Universe God Himself and 2) my wasted effort to feel understood inhibits my ability to understand others, which consistently narrows my focus on myself.

We all have a story behind the facade of smiles and "I'm good" answers when asked how we are. We have pain. Scars. Aches. Loneliness. Abandonment. Hopelessness. Fear. Anger.

Scars. Aches.

Loneliness. Abandonment. Hopelessness.

Fear. Anger.

While I have been adamantly aiming for others to fully understand the complexities of my life, I have overlooked others' need to be understood and accepted as-is. What a humbling and sobering reality.

Brene Brown is one of my role models. She researches acceptance and belonging. She says all people want to experience a sense of belonging. 

Check out Brene Brown's teaching on vulnerability here:

 

For more from Brene Brown, check out her website here.

So, as a Christian passionate about living out my faith, my role is to, first, love God and, second, love others (Matthew 23:34-37). As love is a choice prompted by action rather than a feeling I conjure through romantic Netflix movies, my focus must change from being understood to understanding.

What that tangibly entails? I'm not entirely sure. But that is the beauty of being a work in progress. Several times in the Bible, God is referred to as a potter and his people are the clay (Isaiah 64). What does a potter do? Mold clay. 

So, today, may I be molded. May I learn to remove my focus from being understood and learn to better understand those around me. And may you be malleable clay, as well. 

Live wholly, love fully, rejoice daily. 
Kels
xoxo

Vivacious Living: Turning Away from the Problematic Distractions and Pursuing Life Boldly

I recently updated the layout, background, and template of my blog. It was not an intentionally planned change, but it happened. And it made me smile. The new layout is bright, cheery, and easily navigated. If you'd visited my blog in the past, it was fine...but just not easy to read or inviting, for that matter.

I started my blog as individualistic expression. I had been in outpatient treatment for an eating disorder while a student at Washington State University and working part time and I just needed a blank canvas for my thoughts, ideas, and worries. The more transparent I was about the inner battle I daily fought, the less power it had over me. Since, the blog is still a canvas for thoughts, ideas, and, even worries (See a past post titled, I Fear Being the Fat Trainer.)

The direction for my blog has changed. Originally, I was on a quest to help all women truly believe they were beautiful. I thought if we all knew we were lovely and beautiful we would be healed of our issues and be more confident. Since, I've learned that beauty is not what makes the world go round. (Who would have thought?!) Believing I'm beautiful does not elevate my confidence or spark a fire in my bones to make the world a better place. Believing I'm beautiful does not make me interesting, alluring, a better mentor, or a better person. It doesn't make me more skilled at my trade or more zealous to help those in need.

Believing I'm beautiful ended up becoming a band-aid covering a festering wound. I gave my allegiance to superficiality and objectivity. An "ugly day" totally threw off my mojo and sent me into depression. Maybe you can relate.

Vivacious, bold, radical living had to become my new pursuit if I was going to continue to win the battle over the eating disorder and other mental health related issues. What characterizes a vivacious, bold, radical woman?

Vivacious, bold, radical 

living had to become my new pursuit

A vivaciously bold, radically living woman is:
Funny- she has a sense of humor and she is secure enough to laugh at herself.

Respectable- she knows her body is hers and for her husband (or future husband). She does not gossip. She does not seek attention.

Generous- she uses her God-given resources to better the lives of others. Her time is not her own. She gives back to her community without blowing up her social media accounts to brag about her good deeds.

Focused- she has goals. But more importantly, she dreams. And then she pursues those dreams. She is focused on the here and now, living every day to its fullest, but she is focused on the future and makes choices to positively impact her future.

Thoughtful- she does her best to remember friends' birthdays, give words of encouragement, and think of others first. She genuinely wants the best for all people, even those who have wronged her.

Confident- she may be called weird or strange. She may be odd. But, she is living out who her Creator made her to be and she legitimately does not care what you think. Sorry, not sorry. She walks in freedom knowing she was made very good by a very good God (check out Genesis 1:1-31).

Open-minded- she is willing to learn from others and, even, change her perspective based on others' influence. She avoids religiosity and close-minded prejudices. She stands for what she believes, but loves all people, regardless of their choices.

Your focus may not be body image, beauty, or food issues. It may be a whole plethora of problematic distractions that inhibit you from vivacious living. But do not let it steal your joy. Do not let it become your god. Establish what are the non-negotiables in your life and pursue those with purpose and passion.

Live wholly, love fully, rejoice daily.
Kels
xoxo

From Chronic Dieting to Vibrant Living: How Randie Quit the Yo-Yo Diets and Changed her Life Forever

Meet Randie. She is one of my adored clients. She arrives to her 6 am workouts ready to kick butt! Randie is a go-getter. She has been on quite the journey. Read her story here. May it inspire and encourage you as well...
**************************************************************************************************************

Randie, right, in December 2014

My journey started at birth, 55 years ago.  After all, what is life but a journey?  I tried many diets over the years- some of them more than once. As I reflect, trying to write this, I believe that I wasn’t successful (I hate the word failure) because although I wanted to lose weight, I didn’t believe that I deserved to be thin and happy.

I didn't believe that I deserved to be thin and happy.  

There are so many “old tapes” I used to play in my head. Things I was told, things I read, things that I saw, etc. The truth of the matter is this….I can’t change the past, and I am not the same person I was when I was 5, 25 or even 50.  I am who I am right now, this minute.  

I knew many years ago that I didn’t want to have a bunch of pill bottles lined up on the kitchen counter as I got older. I just didn’t want that to be part of my future. I saw my grandparents live that way and now I was witnessing my parents following in the same footsteps. My parents are both at least 15 years older physically, than they are chronologically. It scares the hell out of me.

It scares the hell out of me.


I know that so many of their health problems could have been avoided if they had made better choices when they were younger. I believe that there are so many things beyond our control that can kill us. Why wouldn’t I want to take control of the things I can? I am NOT getting any younger, so it was time! It was time to take control and make changes in my life. I do not want to live forever. I just want to feel as good as I can for as long as I can!

In December, 2014 I heard about a new diet plan while having coffee with a friend. I did some research and decided to try it. I am not going to share it at this time because it is not a cure all. Many of my co-workers, friends and family have also tried this food plan after seeing my weight loss.  Some have lost weight and others have not. It makes me feel bad because I know that, yet again, they feel like they "failed.” I really believe, from the bottom of my soul, that my motivation to really do it this time came from a totally different place. I was scared of my future. How many pills would I need to regulate blood pressure, cholesterol, depression, reflux, pain in my joints, diabetes…? The list can go on and on. 

Well, the weight started coming off. I was losing two to three pounds each week. Not the 0.4 or 0.6 I had lost during my last round with dieting. Each and every week I lost weight. The most I lost in one week was four pounds and the least I lost was one. I am happy to share that to date I have about 65 pounds.

Sometime in June, 2015, I heard about FytGurlz. Not once, or twice, but three times in ONE day!  I looked up and said "O.K.  I get it! I will look into FytGurlz today!” I filled out the information slip online and the very next day I was contacted. What I immediately liked was that I was given the opportunity to try each and every class offered one time free of charge. I was blown away! That told me they had a great product to offer and they knew if people came, they would love all that FytGurlz offers! 

When I was contacted, I explained that I was interested in someone who could help me re-hab my knees. I have had knee pain in one or both of my knees for about 5 years. Yes, I have been to the doctor and physical therapist. Nothing helped. I was told that Kelsey was the girl for me. When we met, I was feeling a little anxious. I was afraid of failing by not following through. But I knew the only thing holding me back was me.

But I knew the only thing holding me back was me.

I met with Kelsey and we hit it off right away. All of my anxiety went away. I believed she could help me help myself. She told me that her passion is to help the body function the way it was meant to function.  She has so much energy, knowledge and passion…it is contagious!

Randie in September 2015

I started off with personal training sessions with Kelsey in July. We met once each week. In addition, she created a personalized plan for me to do at home. After the first two weeks, I was feeling stronger-- emotionally and physically. She created each workout to help my body function to the best of its ability. After two months, Kelsey encouraged me to switch to the small group fitness classes.  This would provide the opportunity to meet twice as often for less money than I was presently investing in myself. Really? Get more and pay less? Who does that?! 

I was a bit reluctant for many reasons. I was afraid I couldn’t keep up with the others. I was also afraid to make the commitment. I was afraid I would let myself down. Don’t get me wrong….I have been exercising doing Jazzercise for over 4 years now. I just knew that this would be different than anything I had ever done before. Kelsey assured me that I was ready. She had as much faith in me as I do in her! What an amazing feeling! She wanted the same things for me that I want for myself...HEALTH!

And so, here it is, October 2015. I LOVE going to the small group “No Excuses” fitness class two times each week. I have had absolutely no issues keeping up with the other ladies, even though I am twice their age! At every session Kelsey asks about my knees and reminds me to let her know if I need any modifications. Kelsey has gone above and beyond. She is so easy to talk to and she encourages me with praise and, every now and then, she takes my picture. She has helped me see, literally see how fit and strong I am becoming.

I still want to lose some more weight, but this time it is not about what size I wear or how much I weigh. This time it is about how I feel!

This time it is about how I feel!

It is easy to fall back on old patterns and criticize myself for this or that, but I am trying to treat myself like I would treat my best friend if she were on this journey. I would treat her with love, understanding, encouragement and praise. I don’t know where my journey called life will take me, but I do know this: You are NEVER too old and it is NEVER too late to reinvent yourself!
**************************************************************************************************************

Live wholly, love fully, rejoice daily.
Kelsey
xoxo

Perimenopause: Aging with Grace and Loving Your Body

Meet Jenn O'Connor. Retired Navy wife and mother, CrossFitter, runner, homemaker, friend. Jenn is a dear friend from our gym, CrossFit Takeover in Virginia Beach. I remember meeting at the pull-up rig. She has a super infectious personality. Over the past few months, this amazing women has blessed me with her wisdom and advice. She is the epitome of grace. She's definitely one of those positive role model people that every girl needs.

Several weeks ago, I had asked some ladies if they would be willing and interested in being a guest author on my blog. I know so many incredible women who have a ton to share and offer, so why not highlight them on here?! Below is Jenn's post. She is raw and truthful. Entertaining to read. I hope you enjoy this as much as I have.

******************************************************************************************************************
Entering Menopause
By Jennifer O'Connor

“That girl is on fire” by Alicia Keys comes to my mind as I am now entering into that time of life known as perimenopause. I have many friends at all different stages of life but the ones that stand out to me at this point are the ones that are literally on fire; as in hot flashes.

Have you seen this? It’s quite a thing to watch. But also, this time of life (I have decided) should also be a different type of internal fire; a rebirth of sorts. So instead of being afraid as I get closer and closer, I have decided to embrace these impending changes (fire and all).

A female spends approximately 35 years prepping for reproduction, engaged in reproduction, and nurturing her offspring. Have a career? Yup, that fits in too. BUT, make no mistake about it….the woman still does the lion’s share of household work, including but not limited to cleaning, meal prep, homework help, chauffeur, laundry, and then of course a lover. So for a while it seems we remain pretty much in last place on our “to do “ list.

The neat thing about this is that between the ages of 20-45, we are hormonally pre-wired to do such things. It’s actually pretty cool. But then it happens….kids are grown, your spouse (if you are still together) is settled in a career and you find yourself feeling this odd sensation of freedom. Wow. Freedom. Now what? Here’s an idea: Feel that wave roll over you, don’t fight that rip tide, rather ride it out and see where it leads you.

So here are some items that I am grappling with and wish someone had shared with me a few years ago. It’s a quick list of things to do you might want keep in the back of your mind, depending where you are in your personal life:

1. Get right with God. Fix your spiritual life. Begin to pray and listen to what He has to say to you. Maybe join a church? Or return to your church. It’s a great place to make some very nice friends.

2. Free yourself from guilt. It’s dragging you down (adds weight). This is kind of part B of getting right with God.

3. Stop smoking. No more. It’s gross.

4. Get your nutritional house in order. No more soda. Avoid sugar. It’s not that hard. Processed food is bad for you.

5. Love your body. I bet it’s a lot more beautiful than you think. Exercise.

These are some things that should be addressed as you enter perimenopause. This occurs at different ages. God has designed women as the most amazing creatures on this planet. We are born with everything we need to conceive, deliver, feed and raise other humans. Let that sink in. Then, when we are no longer needed for reproduction, our bodies are already equipped hormonally with what we need to help protect our heart and bones. Yes, you read that right. Your doctor may try to convince you other wise. Why are we being lectured to about menopause as if it is a type of disease to be cured?

Exercise. There, I said it again. You have to exercise. There’s no way around it. It must be part of your weekly routine. Enter CrossFit. I joined a CrossFit gym last October. I have yet to experience any other fitness program that meets my needs and expectations like this. And I doubt I ever will.
I’ve made amazing gains physically and I have met the most fantastic people. The coaching is superior. The classes are a blast. The camaraderie is unrivaled. You won’t find a community like this anywhere. Do I compare myself to other athletes? Yes, but that’s my problem. It’s easy to say CrossFit isn’t for everyone but ANYONE can do it.

So here I am, a 47 year old female, married mother of two grown children. My kids are smart and kind, so I think we did a decent job. I supported my spouse as best as I could in his 23 year Navy career, including 11 moves and 6 years spent in Europe including a one year tour in Iraq and 3 deployments to Afghanistan. Now he is happily settled in his 2nd career and I find myself on the cusp of some serious changes. I am ready to accept any and all physical, spiritual, and personal changes that are coming my way. Bring it on, Mother Nature.

******************************************************************************************************************
Jenn is authentic and real. I love it! Please leave comments below if you relate or found this to provoke something inside of you.

Let's celebrate being women today!

Live fully, love wholly, rejoice daily.
KC
xoxo

Stop the Worry

Living up to others' expectations sucks. Excuse me, attempting to live up to others' expectations sucks. Really, it does. When I do so, I'm never good enough, never smart enough, never funny or interesting enough. I'm never thin enough, strong enough, not a good enough cook and a poor excuse of a personal trainer. I'm too wrapped up in fitness, but not dedicated enough. I'm too rigid in my ways, but too ridiculous because I try new things. People are ruthless, man.

I honestly believe we experience tough situations to prepare us for future experiences. Well, that is how my life has gone thus far. Conflicts tend to become more dynamic and complex as I near the end of my 20s. So, in a way, I'm thankful for the little conflicts along the way that have prepared me for these bigger ones. But, I'm also a little nervous the conflicts and situations will keep getting more complex and challenging.

As of late, I've succumbed to the expectations of others. It is a tireless crusade to be accepted and please all people. I'm running myself into the ground attempting to do so. That has been the most challenging aspect of self-employment. My income primarily depends upon the personal training services I offer and the quality of the meals I cook. Talk about a cause for performance anxiety!

So, I started going to counseling again. One session in, I can more clearly see I need to stop letting others' opinions and expectations affect me. If a client doesn't like a session because I've tried a new format, all I can do is hear out the issue, apologize and make changes where necessary, and let it go. If a customer doesn't like one of the meals they ordered, I can accept the feed back and, again, let it go. By holding onto the opinions, approval, and disapproval of all my clients and customers, I've become a very unhappy, dissatisfied, worrisome person--definitely now my normal self.

God says a lot about worrying:

Proverbs 12:25 (NLT)
Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up.

Philippians 4:6-7 (NLT)
Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Matthew 6:31-33 (MSG)
“If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

 I am worrying about how things will work out...will I have enough clients to make enough money to pay my bills? Will that client who gave her 30 day notice tell people I'm a poor trainer? Will customers like the new meals on the menu? 

All that worrying steals from the joy of life. Worrying and stress make the days unbearable, rather than filled with awe and wonder. Clearly, it has to stop. People-pleasing must go. Fretting over the opinions of others' ends now.

Of course overcoming my habit of worrying will be a journey and a process, but it's a journey I've already begun and invite you to do so, as well. If you stress out about what people think of you, how your performance is perceived, etc., you are missing out on the goodness of life. Your joy is being robbed, as well. We are stressing ourselves out for no good reason. Will you join me in overcoming the tendency to let opinions bog us down?

Here are some helpful tools to start/continue your journey to freedom from worry:

1. Write it out. Write down your worry. (Ex: My clients did not seem to enjoy the workout today as much as other days. I hope they do not think I'm a crappy trainer.) Then, write a truth to counter the worry. (Ex: I tried a new format today and it didn't go well. I probably won't do that again and I can explain to my clients what I was attempting to do in our last session. Maybe giving them an understanding will show them where I'm coming from.)

2. Ask. When worrying if someone thinks ill of you, if they're mad at you, etc., stop stressing and just ask! My best friend and I had a conversation Sunday where we both were inquiring with each other to ensure all was fine. We'd hardly spoken over the summer and something felt off. Rather than stressing over it and assuming she was upset (and vice versa), we merely asked if everything was okay. She and I talked through the issue, which happened to not be an issue. Can you imagine how much worse it could have been if I had let my worry ruin my closest friendship?

3. Pray. Yes, pray. As previously mentioned in Philippians 4, God will give you peace when you talk it out with Him. Daily, I have to ask God for his understanding and clarity. My perception is skewed by my experiences. Past hurts or failures definitely influence how I approach situations. God alone can and will provide a calmness peace and divine understanding when you are real about your worrisome situation.

Have other useful tips for overcoming worry? Please comment below. I'd LOVE to hear how you combat the temptation to worry and live in freedom and peace.
Live fully, love wholly, rejoice daily.
KC
xoxo